The Dress
by maneatingbutterflies
Summary: The bond between Ben and Rey is growing and so are their feelings. He appears in the bond while Rey is trying on one of Padme's old dresses. Was a one shot but is now a full blown story due to the amount of great responses
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi all! This started out as a response to a prompt. It's officially a one shot as of right this very second but I will most likely add on to it. It is TLJ compatible. I would love to hear ideas and wants and needs when it comes to this story because it's onviously in the very early stages.**_

 _ **Thank you very much**_

"If I had a daughter, I hope she would have been like you." The voice of General Leia Organa filled the quarters that she had made her own while she moved to her closet.

Rey sat on the made bed, watching the old woman move. From that simple phrase alone, her eyes started to sting. The ache of her abandonment ever present in her chest. She pressed her lips together and smiled, holding the emotions in. "Really?" She breathed, pictures of Leia as her mother and Han as her father played in her head. Han would let her sit on his lap as he told her stories of his adventures. Leia would hold her down long enough to put her hair in ornate braids before letting her run off to play with Ben.

Rey sat up straight and made a face. Ben as her brother? No. Maybe not such a good idea after all. The thought made her queasy but she wasn't sure if she knew why... or wanted to admit why if she did, in fact, know.

Leia interrupted her slightly unsettling thoughts.

"Maker, yes," Leia paused in her movements and looked back at the brunette. "You are strong and beautiful... full of ideas, adventures, mistakes, potential, hope." Leia paused to quirk her lips in an amused sort of way. "You've got spunk. I like that." She turned back to the trunk she had pulled out of the closet. "I used to have spunk. Oh you should have seen me when I was your age. I had legs for days and you bet I could handle a blaster." She nodded, sure of her statement. She stood up and faced Rey, her shoulders squared and her chin held regally. She still sometimes held herself more as a princess than a general.

Rey, who had been watching the woman in front of her with a wide smile from her antics, found herself straightening up as well. "General Organa?" She asked. She felt like the general had something important to tell her all of a sudden. She had wondered why she had gotten dragged into Leia's private quarters but, never to turn down time with the older woman, she had gone along without question.

Leia waved a hand, "Please, leave the titles for business. This is personal. Call me Leia." She sat on the bed next to Rey and took her hands. "Rey," her voice was both loving and serious. "I value you so much. I care for you. I do. I see you and, damn it, I get all motherly. To think that some nerf herders left you on that planet when you were just a little one it—ugh!" Leia paused and regained her composure. "You're like the daughter I never had. I don't mean it in a bad way or anything but I see my Ben in you. I look at you and I see pieces of him. You two are similar in ways neither of you realize." Leia rolled her eyes, "It makes me so gosh darn maternal. Motherhood is aggravating sometimes. Let me tell you..." she shook her head and laughed. "I never knew my mother. She died when Luke and I were born. I—especially in my angsty teenage years—really missed her. I wished I had her to talk to about so many things. I wished... well, I wished for a lot of opportunities that I never had. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about." Leia wiped at her eyes and smiling kindly at the younger girl. "I was given a few of her things. She was... goodness she was beautiful. Her dresses..." Leia smiled sadly. "I used to put on her dresses, thinking I could smell little hints of what she used to smell like, and just look at myself. I would try to see her spirit in my eyes and in my form. She gave me... strength or femininity when I felt like I needed them."

Leia cupped Rey's face. Rey tensed, not used to any contact, but felt herself relaxing into the comforting touch. "It's hard to be the one to save the day. It can rub you raw. I see so much of me in you that I can't help but think of my mother's dresses and how much they helped me. You are absolutely allowed to have them help you, too." She kissed her on the forehead.

Rey looked at the woman in awe before looking at the trunk, feeling her very being drawn to it like she was tied to a string. The force had a way of showing her which way to go and what to do.

Leia smiled, her eyes twinkling, before she excused herself from the room. "I'll leave you two alone," she teased, talking about Rey and the trunk. "Take as much time as you need. I'll keep those smelly boys out of your hair." Leia tittered and walked out of the room.

Rey slipped the silky material over her skin. None of her underclothes felt like they were worthy enough to touch the garment so she shed it all. Shades of cream that changed to shades of pink that changed to shades of purple. It was stunning even in the trunk. Rey had never worn a dress like that in her life. The indulgence of it made her feel silly but the meaning behind it made the situation seem sacred.

Working on her patience, she fastened the dress slowly. She kept her back facing the mirror. She wasn't ready to face her reflection and see that she was still a scrawny, boyish scavenger.

She took a few breaths, her fingers twiddling against each other.

When she turned and looked at herself, everything went silent. First she thought it was because of just how stunned she was at how beautiful she looked. Then her skin pricked, feeling his presence. It felt like it was in her and all around her but, mostly, it was behind her.

Now? Of all times? She wondered, closing her eyes tightly.

"What are you doing?" His voice sounded all the way to her bones.

Rey turned around, trying to seem as distinguished as possible. "Haven't you ever seen a girl in a dress before?" She quipped back. The absolute silence around them was deafening.

Kylo Ren was rarely surprised. Unexpected and unpleasant things happened to him but that wasn't surprising anymore. What was surprising was when unexpected and pleasant things happened to him. And that only happened when Rey was involved.

Feeling their connection... experiencing their bond through the force... feeling her fingers against his... not feeling alone for the first time in his life...

Yes it was all very surprising and yes it all had to do with her. His little scavenger.

Still, knowing what he did know about their surprising encounters, he could not in a million years have expected the vision in front of him.

He had to admit that when he first saw her he thought that he was hallucinating or that it was another dream. He had dreamt of her in dresses before. Oh yes he had dreamt of her in a lot of things... also maybe not very many things. He felt his blood start to warm at just the thought and he had to change his thoughts before he got too...warmed up.

His eyes travelled from her eyes to her sun kissed skin. His eyes moved over the dress and her form how he wished his hands would move. The dress complimented her form, showing a more dainty and feminine side that he had not seen before while still possessing the power of a ruler that he already knew she could be. At his side.

"It was your grandmothers." Rey's voice broke him of his trance. She had taken a few steps closer to him and looked down. Her revelation stunned him but there were whispers that flitted about the dress like memories and feelings from the past. He could feel his grandmother. He could also feel his grandfather. The latter urged him forward to the girl. Suddenly, their moments which had always been only theirs had changed into a moment that was so much more special and personal.

He raised a hand and faltered when her eyes sharply followed his movement. He gestured to the dress. "May I?"

Rey felt her heart beat quicken. She nodded, her cheeks coloring. She reasoned that he had a right to touch the dress because it was his grandmother's after all, but she knew that wasn't the only reason.

Kylo pulled off both gloves this time, remembering how much he had wished to have taken off the other when their hands had touched. His fingers tested a small piece of fabric, feeling the softness. He wondered how it felt in comparison to her skin. His eyes flickered up to hers before looking back down at his fingers. He slowly traced the stitching, savoring the silky touch but wishing it was the skin under the fabric that he was touching instead.

He held his breath, wanting to keep the moment tender and not get over excited. Little did he know the effect he had on the girl he was so close to at that moment. Her jaw switched between being slack and being locked. She felt her stomach muscles trembling in weakness but she stayed tense. No slipping up.

Oh.

His fingers moved to the place where the dress and the skin of her chest met, moving so slowly.

They both held their breaths and their eyes locked on each other. Was this okay? Neither wanted to say what they felt first but her skin felt on fire from his touch and his fingers tingled wildly.

After a moment of frozen silence, he murmured, "I feel it too." He felt her relax marginally. Without moving his eyes from hers, his fingers started tracing small designs onto her skin instead of the dress. First with one lone finger but carefully progressing until his whole hand was caressing the skin that wasn't covered. Rey felt herself slowly melting and relaxing into his touch. It was hypnotic and...right. It was right.

His fingers slowed down at her jawline. Her breath ghosted shallowly beneath his fingers. He stopped his movements and looked back down at the dress. "It's a beautiful dress." He said, not ready for her inevitable rejection from going anywhere near her lips.

Rey tilted her head, shocking them both as her lips lightly brushed against his finger tips. "The galaxy can have some very beautiful things if you take a moment to appreciate them."

Ben nodded, "I'm starting to realize that."

Rey could see the light and the dark shining from his eyes and she realized not only how important this moment was for them two as...whatever they were. It also meant a lot for Ben Solo as the resistance's only hope. She felt her thoughts start to cloud up the perfectly clear moment they had been having. Ben noticed this too and, before she could stop things from progressing further, he captured her lips in his.

Even without his mind touching hers, he knew that it made her mind freeze. She did feel it too. There was something there. There was something between them. He saw glimpses of a future with each touch and their kiss guaranteed that they were bound.

"Join me." He whispered, breath brushing against her lips.

"I—" she started to respond but a knock at the door severed their connection. Rey blinked and looked around. She cleared her throat and closed her eyes trying to regain her composure.

What the hell just happened?

"Come in."

Leia walked back in, "I just wanted to see you in one of the dresses... Oh! You are simply stunning! Look at you!"


	2. Chapter 2

**HOLY REYLO GUYS I did not expect such a big great response. Here is a chapter two. There will at least be three chapters (three shot?) for this story. More if you guys continue to give me such great feedback, reviews, and ideas. I've tried to take everyone's ideas into consideration and fit them into my story as best as I can.**

Leia clapped her hands before placing her fingers to her lips in delight at the sight before her. "Rey... you're stunning. You're like a supernova." She started looking around, sensing a change in air from the last time she had been in the room. "Probably just as dangerous too..." she mumbled as she tried to pinpoint what she was feeling. It was almost like... no it couldn't possibly be. Could it? He hadn't stepped foot on Resistance turf since he was a boy. Then why did it feel like—

"WEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The loud, pleased exclamation of BB-8 pulled her out of her thoughts. Leia grinned as the droid rolled in circles around Rey, obviously pleased with Rey in a dress.

Rey felt the moment and the tension of her latest meeting with Ben slowly drift out of her skin. The ghost of his touches lingered, though. She rubbed her neck, almost sure that she would still feel his fingers.

"Do you like it, BB-8?" Rey asked, a laugh bubbling out of her at the droids enthusiastic beeps.

BB-8 confirmed what Rey asked by producing a small torch that insinuated the affirmative.

Rey nodded and looked at herself in the mirror. "You know, I think I like it too," she murmured.

"BB-8! Where did you run off to?!" The voice of Resistance pilot Poe Dameron sounded from the hall. He appeared in the doorway with Finn and Rose. "Weeeeellll," he grinned, leaning against the doorway. "What do we have here?"

BB-8 sped over to him and started beeping wildly. Poe laughed in response, "You're right. She does look like a princess."

BB-8 beeped a few more times.

Poe raised his eyebrows. "And She is very pretty," he agreed, his eyes moving appreciatively over Rey's form before the droid rammed into his shin. "Ow! Wait—What do you mean you've never seen a princess before? What about General Organa? She's not just a general, you know.."

BB-8 gave Poe a single beep.

He rolled his eyes in response, "Who downloaded ridiculously high standards into your wiring?"

BB-8 eyed Poe before traitorously rolling back over to Rey and continuing to fawn over her.

"I thought I got rid of you guys!" Leia narrowed her eyes at Poe and Finn before looking at the girl attached to Finn's arm. "You said you could control them, little miss. You even have your taser. What happened?"

Rose sighed, "I kept them busy for a second but you know BB-8. She's a free spirit." She shrugged.

Leia crossed her arms, "Okay I guess but no stinking up the place and no greasy hands on my mothers dresses. I am not above shooting you out into space if any of you even put one unwashed finger on any of the dresses."

Finn, who had been assessing the situation silently, spoke up. "Rey is wearing your mother's dress?" He asked in awe.

"Well I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Poe to put one on!" Leia went over to Rey and turned her around, thoughtfully braiding her hair in a way she always dreamt her mother would.

Poe pouted, "I could wear a dress..."

Rose admired the beautiful draping material and colors. "In a million years, I would never even dream to wear something like that. It really is fit for a queen."

"I'm hardly a queen, Rose." Rey spoke over her shoulder only to get her head snapped back in place by Leia, who had not finished styling the younger woman's hair.

Rose crossed her arms, her hip naturally popping out. "You might not be a queen but you're a famous hero of the Resistance. That's a pretty solid thing to be if you aren't royalty."

Rey snorted, "So are you." She let Leia finish her hair before turning around. "Don't forget how important you are, Rose. If I could, I would find a thousand dresses for you to wear."

Rose blushed and looked anywhere but at Rey. "What's in the trunk? More dresses?"

"More dresses?!" Poe's eyes lit up. "I want to see Rey in more dresses. I never get to see girls all dressed up anymore!"

Rose punched him in the arm. "Ow!" He shielded himself from anymore attacks. "Coveralls can be sexy too! I'm sorry!" He yelped, dodging another blow.

Leia grabbed both Rose and Poe by the ears, dragging them outside the room. "Will you two behave? Who would have thought that the one that used to on the side of the bad guys would be my most well behaved?" She grumbled before calling out behind her. "Rey change into another dress before these kids tear apart our entire base."

Finn gave Rey a sympathetic smile before following everyone out.

Rey let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She still wasn't used to the busyness of having people around her constantly after years of solitude. She was grateful for the people in her life but... it was still a lot.

BB-8 gave her a soft beep and nuzzled against her leg. "Don't worry, BB-8. I'm just adjusting still." The droid beeped happily, deciding that there was no need for comfort anymore because there were dresses to put on.

Rey laughed softly and walked over to the trunk. All she saw was flowing back fabric. She shivered as images of Kylo Ren, masses of black fabric flowing around him with his power, flooded her mind. She took a moment to remember the long planes of his face, shadowed but still revealing so much of his feelings. He emanated a secluded aloneness but something about him made her want to move nearer to him.

She shook her head free of her thoughts when another shiver moved through her frame.

The black fabric still sat untouched in the trunk. She stared at it as if it were a challenge, her hands unclasping her dress and letting it fall to her feet. The cool air of the quarters hugged her skin and she found herself shivering a third time; she picked up the dress from the ground and places it carefully on the bed, ignoring her goosebumps. BB-8 beeped excitedly when Rey leaned over and picked up the black dress. She felt silly over how black fabric could make her nervous. She felt nervous over how black fabric could make her excited.

Rey quickly realized that the black dress was more form fitting and more low cut. It emanated a domineering power: feminine, seductive. It clung to her body and showed curves that she never knew she had. She felt sexy.

She turned to BB-8 and posed in a mock of sultriness. "What do you think, girl?"

A beeping version of a cat call was the response that Rey got from BB-8. Rey blushed and waved her hand at the droid, "Quit that. Go and get everyone. I'm sure they'll drive me insane if I don't let them see."

BB-8 beeped an affirmative and rolled out the door, only to find that everyone had been standing just out side the door. Poe let out a low whistle as they all filtered in. Leia elbowed him in the gut... and everyone started talking at once.

Rey tried to keep track of what everyone was saying but sound started fading in and out, giving her the tell tale sign that Ben was connecting with her again. Only... he didn't say anything. And then the sound around her cade back just as soon as it left. And he was gone.

Kylo Ren... Ben Solo—whoever the hell he was; he had a hard time knowing when he was around her—didn't mean to see her a second time. He had been thinking about her. Hell, he always thought about her. It was annoying. It was distracting. It was frustrating. But, Yes, he had been thinking about her. He had wished he could see her again and then all of a sudden she was right in front of him again.

She was right in front of him and his heart was in his throat. He had not expected another dress. He hadn't expected the first dress, but there she was. She was beautiful. Startlingly so. Ethereal. Distractingly so.

But, now... now... now? This dress? He showed up. He took one look at her. He choked on the breath he had been trying to take. His connection to her broke. He was back on his ship. He was back in his room. He was gasping for breath.

He had always dreamt of her in black. When their bare hands touched for the first time, images of her, on his arm, dressed in the most beautiful black gowns he could get for her filled his head. He hadn't been able to get them out of his head since. And now? Actually physically seeing her in what had been haunting his dreams? He couldn't even remember how to breath. Images of her flooded his mind so intensely that no other thought could get through.

Maker... how is he going to survive this? Should he destroys her before he is destroyed? Should he give in? Should he force her to be his?

More than anything, he wished, in that moment, he could talk to his grandfather.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Good news everybody! I have another chapter! Everyone has been so sweet and responsive, I just can't stop writing! I'm sure you can all tell by now that this is going to be longer than three chapters. I have half of an outline figured out. Everyone's ideas and responses help me a lot! Please keep those coming. XOXO**_

Rey buried her face in her hands, alone in Leia's quarters once again. She only uncovered her eyes when she heard a beep from BB-8. She smiled tiredly at the droid.

"This whole dress thing has turned into a bit of a fiasco, hasn't it?" Rey asked the droid. BB-8 beeped dismissively, having enjoyed all the dresses.

Rey sighed. After trying on two other dresses, Poe convinced her to go to the mess hall in the pretty yellow dress she had on at the time. Rey was hesitant but after some convincing, she gave in. And what a mistake it was. Poe had walked around with her like she was a trophy and there were far too many eyes on her. She hated attention like that. She hated most attention. She liked to be by herself.

Had she ever liked anyone looking at her before? An image of Ben's dark eyes moving along her form played in her head and goosebumps skittered across her skin.

She started to take off the gold dress as her mind continued to linger on dark eyes and warm hands. She let the dress pool at her feet, grateful for the cold air on her naked skin. It was like a soothing balm. The dresses were all beautiful and luxurious but they were also overwhelming and restraining. It was a privilege to wear the dresses but she was glad to be out of them.

BB-8 respectfully gave Rey privacy, leaving the room so the girl could decompress and recover. Rey sighed, letting her short nails scratch at the skin that had been covered all day. It felt nice. She remembered the feel of Ben's finger tips on her skin and unconsciously bit at her lip. How would it feel if it was his nails dragging along her skin instead of her own?

No, Rey thought. None of that nonsense. Don't get distracted. It'll just—

Her eyes widened when all of a sudden the brown eyes that had been dancing with her mind were suddenly right in front of her, connecting to her own eyes. She gasped, her hands flying to her chest as she scrambled to have some form of decency.

"What are you doing here?!" She cried out, taking a step back from him. "This is a naked place. You can't just barge in whenever you feel like it."

Ben, while forcing himself not to devour her form with his eyes, focused on keeping his gaze on her face. He quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms cockily over his chest, hiding his shaking hands from sight. "You're the one that called me here, Rey." The ghost of a smile played on his full lips when he saw her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. He chuckled and made a show of teasingly moving his eyes along her form. "Why so shy?" He pouted in mock sympathy, "I shared my bare chest. It's only fair to return the favor." He leaned over to her and brushed a finger along her jaw, enjoying the warmth from the fire in her gaze. He would be so cold without her. He likes riling her up. "And you believe in things being fair, don't you? Isn't that what you are fighting for?"

Rey glared at Ben and cocked her head to the side, letting her hands fall to her sides and make fists at her bare hips. She wouldn't let him win. He was a part of the dark side. He didn't care about propriety. She enjoyed the widening of his eyes and the small amount of color that reached his cheeks. He hadn't even had time to prepare to hide his expression, her action was so unexpected.

Yet again, Ben Solo was surprised. An unexpected and very pleasant thing happened to him. Rey truly, gloriously held up his expectations for surprising him. He tried to recover from the shock and gave her a tight smile, "Impressive," He croaked, trying to commend her bold actions.

She couldn't help the tiny smile that broke through her glare. She did enjoy his company and his gaze... but she would never admit that. She turned away from him and moved to the trunk, picking up the yellow dress from the ground as she went. She froze when she reached the trunk and stared at it in confusion and bewilderment.

Ben noticed the change in her immediately although he couldn't see what she was staring at. "Rey?"

"There's a dress here that wasn't here before." She placed the yellow dress on the bed and picked up the new dress. A power surrounded her at the contact and she sucked in a breath. It was blue with embroidery on the sleeves and on the edges of the dress. She moved without thinking, slipping her arms in the sleeves and letting the dress fall onto her form. It fit loosely but was beautiful nonetheless.

Ben stared at Rey in his grandmothers dress and they both had the same thought at the same time: it was a maternity dress. He noticed that there was a gold clasp in the back that she couldn't reach and he took a step closer to her. "May I?"

She lowered her hands in acceptance.

He stepped behind her and closed his eyes, giving himself a second to meditate in search of peace of mind before touching her and getting all excited again. There was something sacred and special about this moment and this dress. He could feel it. And he didn't want to ruin anything because of how excitable he could get.

After hooking the dress, he looked up from behind her and saw a mirror in front of them, showing both of their reflections. He was taken aback because before he had only seen her. He had never seen her surroundings. He couldn't imagine why a mirror decided to show up. Until he looked at the image reflecting back at the pair.

Ben's hands were on hers in the reflection. He looked down and saw that they were actually by his side. He frowned and looked back up, looking back at their connected hands. His heart skipped a beat and placed his hands on Rey's arms to hold himself up.

In the reflection, their hands were joined in her belly... a belly that was swollen from a far along pregnancy.

"Ben?" He heard the real Rey speak and she leaned back against him, away from the mirror as if it was threatening her and she was looking for protection.

The reflection spoke at the same time, in a content voice, saying "Ben!"

Ben shook his head, his heart pounding in his ears. His reflection nodded at the same time.

"I'm pregnant?" Rey whispered, wondering if the reflection could really be a vision of the future. Her reflection affirmed, happily stated as she looked up at Ben, "We're pregnant."

Rey shook her head as the reflection of Ben and herself smiled when they felt a kick. Then, Rey's eyes widened. "Are... we having twins?" She asked Ben.

Ben opened his mouth to respond but the reflection of Rey beat him to it, saying. "I can't believe we are actually having twins."

Rey jerked back even further, crashing against Ben's chest. He stumbled but managed to catch them both. The reflections disappeared. He looked down at Rey, feeling her tremble like a leaf in his arms. He held her close. He didn't want to let her go although the wasn't sure why. Was it because he wanted to ease her distress? Or was it because every time he saw their future it was shared and more and more intimate.

He felt his breathing shake as he tried to contain all of his emotions. He wanted to run away and never come back. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to take her on the bed in the room that they were in right then.

Ben looked around and realized that he could completely see where she was now. Not just her. Not just a mirror. He could see everything. Their bond was growing stronger. The thought made his chest ache too much to breathe.

"Rey, don't be afraid," he murmured into her hair.

She pulled away and looked at him. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She looked down.

Ben cupped her face and gently had her look back up to him. "Please, Rey. Say something. Anything. I have been seeing visions about you, about me, about us, since the first day I met you. I had dreams before then. You have been haunting me. Snoke's not here anymore. These visions are real. Surely you believe that, you feel that. Tell me you do. Tell me you see what I see and you feel what I feel. I'm in agony, Rey. The closer I get to you the worse it gets."

Rey still stood in silence.

Ben let out a shaky breath, feeling anxious aches shoot though his chest. "If you are suffering as much as I am please tell me."

Instead of responding to his pleads, Rey's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed limply into his embrace.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey guys! Happy holidays! Sorry its been a few days. I celebrate Christmas so I had gotten sucked up into that. Luckily I got a laptop for Christmas so I can write my stories better! I had been using my phone before this. Woohoo!**_

 _ **Alright. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Not much Ben but he'll be back. I'm sure he's recovering and reeling just as much as Rey is in this chapter. Please leave feedback, ideas, wishes, encouragement, and love in the comments. I always listen to what people want to happen in this story and the encouragement helps me get the chapters out faster. XO**_

" _Don't be afraid."_

" _I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life._

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _I love you."_

" _You love me? I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we'd be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives."_

" _I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway.I truly… deeply...love you and before we die I want you to know."_

 _Images of a young man with a honest and vulnerable but also complex and dark gaze swam around always accompanied by a beautiful young woman that wore very familiar dresses. It was obvious how much they loved each other. It was obvious that there love wasn't easy._

" _From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again… I'm in agony."_

 _The blue eyes of the young man started to flicker and change into brown eyes… if only for a moment before changing back to blue._

" _The closer I get to you,the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you-I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should have never given me."_

 _The young man with the blue eyes and the young woman with the dresses leaned in for a kiss. When they pulled away, the blue eyes had changed to brown again and the woman in the dresses was still wearing the dresses but was a different woman. The two in each others embrace, lost in each others eyes, was a new couple all together. Yet they were so similar in so many ways._

" _My heart is beating...hoping that the kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me… what can I do?-I will do anything you ask."_

 _The transformation finished; the voice of the young man with the dark eyes was the voice of Ben Solo. The young woman he held close to him was Rey. He spoke the words that wouldn't stop echoing down to her bones._

" _If you are suffering as much as I am, PLEASE, tell me."_

 _Rey stumbled back, confusion and panic filling her chest. Her back hit a solid chest and she spun around, the weight of the dress that she was wearing slowing her down. The petticoats tangled around her feet as she backed up, seeing the unyielding form of Darth Vader._

" _Join me," he reached out his hand. She looked back up at him and was face to face with Ben Solo. He retracted his hand and turned back into Darth Vader. Rey spun around to run but her path was blocked by a young Luke Skywalker. His eyes were still bright and full of hope, unlike how they were when she met him Ahch-To._

" _There's still good in him."_

 _His words echoed in her ears. It echoed and echoed until it was almost deafening. Images of Anakin falling in love and then falling to the dark side filled her head. The call of the dark side threatened to consume her. Images of Ben falling to the dark side and then falling in love tangled with her previous visions. Everything moved faster and faster, everything became louder and louder until Rey found herself collapsed on the floor._

 _Suddenly, everything became quiet. A soothing,gentle energy surrounded her and her dress no longer felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. She carefully opened her eyes and saw that she was in the blue dress again. In front of her was the woman from before, Padme, laying down and looking very weak. She looked Rey directly in the eyes. "There's still good in him." The light left her eyes. The gentle moment, the silence, was broken by the heartbreaking shout of Anakin Skywalker, his voice distorted by his mask for one of the first times, as he learned of his wife's death._

Rey woke up, a shout bubbling out of her own throat that matched Anakin's. She looked around, panting and covered in sweat. She looked down and saw that she was still wearing the blue dress but she was in her own room and in her own bed instead of Leia's. She looked out her window and saw that it was just after sunrise. She was thankful she had enough time to recover from her dreams before she had to socialize for the day.

She got out of bed, her legs shaky and feeling like jelly, pulled the dress off of her sweaty form, and decided to take a cold shower. If she could still picture brown eyes and hear voices from her dream, the water wasn't cold enough.

It couldn't stop her from thinking completely. What happened last night? She remembered the dresses, Ben, the mirror, him talking… then blank. She remembered feeling so overwhelmed and caught up in the energies from Ben, the vision, and the dresses that she had started to feel woozy. She vaguely remembered the feeling of strong arms around her and a scent that smelled like wind and water, sunshine and the cold, strength. She had never smelled anything like that before other than when Ben had gotten so very close to her during their first interrogation.

Ben! He must have caught her! ...but what happened then?

Rey shook her head. She remembered what happened the last time she thought about him too much. Apparently it _summoned_ him. She wasn't sure that she wanted that. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She felt so sure about him being their hope for the rebellion. Things were more complicated than that, though. Feelings were happening and feelings complicated things. He had kissed her. They had both had visions about a future together. She would be the mother of his twins in the future! It was so much to take in. She felt like she had no control over her life. She hated that. She had always felt like she had complete control over her life when she was on Jakku. She was secluded… and lonely… and starving… and angry… and sad...but she had control. Come to think of it,maybe being in complete control over her life wasn't as good as she thought it was. She felt the need to talk to Ben, who had become her confidant lately. But she couldn't! She couldn't talk about him to him. Not yet at least.

Rey got out of the shower, quickly got dressed and pulled her hair back, and then left her quarters. Almost immediately she saw the form of General Leia Organa.

"Rey!" the older woman brightened at the sight of her. "Did you sleep well? You were so tuckered out last night. We couldn't even wake you. I had to get Poe to carry you to your room."

Rey smiled and nodded politely, her mind still on Ben Solo and her dreams. "I did sleep well. I had some wild dreams but I woke up feeling rested." Rey knew that it was a lie. She was still exhausted. Still, any night in a real bed instead of her small pallet on Jakku made even restless sleep better.

Leia smiled, hooking her arm with Rey's. "Dreams," she mused and gave the younger woman a look, "Seems like the force is trying to tell you something." She gave her a sympathetic smile when she noticed the tense look on Rey's face. "Anything you want to talk about? I may talk a lot but I can be a good listener too. I have two ears and everything. I admit that sometimes I have selective hearing but I promise I'll listen if you need to talk."

Rey raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You know, I would actually like that a lot. When can we talk?"

Leia brightened. She hadn't talked about anything other than the fight against the First Order in ages.

"So...there's this guy…" Rey cringed, trying to think where to begin.

Leia squealed. Boy problems? That's the best type of problems!

"Boy problems?" Leia tsked softly,"That's the worst type of problems. What's going on?"

Rey sighed, Ben's face appearing in her mind. "I met him under… strange circumstances. Circumstances I wouldn't ever had imagined being in. We first saw each other, though, and… there was something there."

 _I feel it too._

"When I was on Jakku, I felt alone but I also felt like I could be alone and handle everything on my own… and succeed." Rey remembered how scavenging became second nature and how no one would start a fight with her if they could help it. "When he and I came into each other's lives, though, I felt challenged. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I felt understood and like I had someone to actually listen to me for the first time in my life." She stopped walking and turned, facing Leia. "The force has plans for him and me. The force has bound us together in so many ways."

Leia listened, nodding every so often. She tried to figure it out who it was from the context of what Rey had to say and figured the only person it could be was Finn. That was trouble indeed. Finn had someone already. Plus, even if he didn't have Rose, things would still be very complicated while the war against the First Order was going on. "I see what you are so troubled with, my sweet war is causing problems for everyone. You risk your life fighting for what you believe in and you risk your heart fighting for what you love. Love can make people do stupid things, too. It can make dangerous situations even more dangerous and completely skew your judgement." She patted Rey's hand, "Don't fight the force but also don't be stupid. I've done so many stupid things. Believe me.40 years later and I still want to hide away when I think of some of the stupid shit I've done." She nodded, "I have a meeting I have to get to but come to me anytime you need to talk."

Rey nodded and made her way to the mess did know if Leia's advice helped her at all. She was just as confused as ever. She thoughtlessly got herself breakfast and sat down, only pulled from her thoughts when Poe sat down next to her. "Oh… hello," she said in surprise, not expecting his company.

"I saw that you were sitting alone and figured you might want someone to sit next to," Poe started at his food. "Feeling any better?"

"Hmm?"

"You were out last night. I just wanted to make sure you weren't coming down with anything. You felt cold as ice last night when I took you to your room," Poe motioned over his shoulder to all the rooms.

Rey nodded, "Yeah I'm fine. I was just tired was all. Those dresses take a lot out of you, I guess," She said lamely and drank her water.

Poe nodded, eating a piece of bread. "You were sure pretty, though. I mean, you still are but those dresses were special. BB-8 wont stop going on about the dresses. I'm pretty sure the only one who enjoyed the fashion show more than me was my goof of a droid."

Rey didn't even want to comment on his blatant compliments. Instead she commented on the droid. "Maybe we can find a way to dress her up. I bet she would be over the moons."

"Talking about moons," Poe grinned charmingly, "Would you want to get dressed up again and go stargazing with me sometime? There's supposed to be a meteor shower later this week and I hear it's going to be stunning."

Rey's eyes widened and she looked down. No one had ever asked to spend time with her like that. There were disgusting suggestions from men on Jakku often but to just stargaze? She wasn't sure how she felt about Poe but she found herself nodding anyway. 


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey everyone. I have the worst flu right now and my brain has been slowly turning mush. I have an autoimmune disease so it takes me forever to get better from this sort of thing. I wanted to give you guys something, though. I'll try to update again before New Years but, depending on my health, I might not be able to. Anyway! Here is a little something. It's short but its some cute Reylo angst. The date between Poe and Rey is going to happen in the next chapter and I know for a fact that a certain grumpy person with really nice hair is not going to be pleased about it at all.**_

 _ **Alright! Here you go! XOXO**_

Rey wiped the sweat from her eyes and then wiped her palms on her loose fitting pants. After taking a swig of water, she reignited the blue lightsaber that Rose had repaired for her. It didn't feel quite the same in her hands as it used to and it had a scar along the middle that reminded her too much of a certain scar on a certain someone's face.

She had been trying so hard not to think about him.

It wasn't working.

It wasn't working at all.

Everything reminded her of feel of the lightsaber in her hands. The touch of the force as it moved through her and around her. Practicing the force or the saber and remembering how they had fought against each other and then together. Memories, feelings, images were constantly spilling through her mind.

Not only did everything remind her of him, but it also felt as though her brain had a glitch that made it so she was always thinking about him whether it be provoked or unprovoked. She would be showering and remember how he smelled all of a sudden. She would be meditating and remember his fingertips on her collarbone.

Rey would even have dreams about him. She wasn't even sure that they were force dreams anymore. They didn't prophesize anything. It would be her holding her daughter while he held their son. It would be her fighting with him again. Sometimes it would be her fighting against him again. It would be gentle words and kisses. It would be dark robes and threats. Sometimes-maker-sometimes it would be of them taking each other completely, sometimes animalistically, sometimes gently, but always wholly and without refrain. She always had to take cold showers after her dreams but _those_ dreams required the coldest showers of all.

Ben wiped the sweat from his eyes and then wiped his palms on his fitted trousers. He twirled the saber deftly in his skilled fingers and ignited it, refusing to drink his water until he finished his practicing successfully. His muscles burned and his mouth felt dry but he didn't care. He was angry and confused. He welcomed the physical misery to accompany his inner turmoil.

She wouldn't leave his mind. It was infuriating. He had opened himself up to her twice- _twice_ -and what does she do? Act so holier than thou the first time and then completely collapse on him the second time. Literally collapse on him, by the way. He barely was able to carry her to the bed in the room she was in before the bond between them weakened too much and they separated, her lack of consciousness weakening their bond momentarily. He should have just left her on the floor.

What was so wrong with joining him? He understood her. He was bound to her in a way no one else could ever be bound to her. She didn't have anyone but him, not really. Didn't see see that? They were made to be with one another. She felt it. She felt the power they brought out in one another. She felt the attraction. She felt the similarities in both of them. They were both dark and both light but she _had_ to have a hero complex. She didn't need to be hero. He didn't need to be a villain. Couldn't she see that?

He was going mad. His mind was a constant whirl of thoughts about her and images of her. Everything reminded him of her. He would practice his skills with his saber or with the force and all that would come to his mind was the different instances he was will her and used those skills. Oh and believe him there were plenty of other _skills_ he would love to try out on her in a different area of interaction.

What was even more infuriating was that she was teasing him. He felt the whispers of their bond. He felt himself start to succumb to the silence. He felt the draw of her mind to his.

...and then…

It stopped.

He would be shut out and he knew she was doing it on purpose. He just knew that if it was her that was calling to him, she would immediately push her thoughts away. If it was him calling to her, she would immediately push him away. Which was very offending. He felt the hesitancy and a certain yearning before the push so he wasn't as angry as he could be. He knew she was just as confused and conflicted as he was. That pleased him. That meant that somewhere in her, even if it was deep down, she was considering him. Even if she hadn't realized it yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hi I'm still dying but I couldn't get this chapter out of my head. Please review,lovelies. It makes me feel better._**

Rey was walking back to her quarters to get ready for her date with Poe when BB-8 rolled by her as a blur of white and orange. The droid quickly backtracked and stopped in front of Rey before beeping wildly, causing Rey to raise her hands and wave until the beeping stopped.

"You have to slow down, BB-8," Rey stooped down to focus more on the droid, "Now what exactly is going on?" She listened to the small droid as it beeped in different tones and at different speeds. Rey raised an eyebrow, "I find it very unlikely that there is more than one person on this base that wants me to wear their clothing," she said flatly before adding quietly, "It seemed unlikely that _one_ person wanted me to wear their clothes but I was obviously proven wrong about that."

BB-8 beeped an explanation and assurance, getting Rey to sigh and go along with what she was saying.

"Alright, alright," Rey stood up and looked expectantly at the droid, "Lead the way, little one."

A beep of excitement was said before BB-8 started rolling in the direction of a different set of rooms. She beeped excitedly as she rolled, having plenty to say about who they were visiting, the dresses Rey had tried on, the date Poe had set up for Rey, and so on.

Rey laughed as they slowed near a door, "I never knew you were such a gossip, BB-8."

BB-8 beeped once, tilting her head to give Rey her piercing, robotic gaze although it seemed quite sharp and sassy. Without even looking anywhere but at Rey, she extended one of her metal appendages and knocked on the door.

The door slid open to reveal a stunning olive skinned woman in a nurse's uniform. Her hair was pin straight and probably would have been down to her waist if it wasn't in a bun at the nape of her swan like neck. Her eyes were a warm, chocolate brown but were bloodshot and obviously holding back tears. Her nose was long and curved elegantly at the bottom but it was sniffling and red. One look at Rey and another wave of tears threatened to spring from the woman's eyes.

"Um…" Rey hadn't expected tears. Of everything that BB-8 had talked about, why hadn't she mentioned that there were tears? "Hi?" She awkwardly offered her calloused hand to the dainty, feminine hand before her, "I'm Rey."

The woman nodded and forced a smile as if nothing was wrong, "I'm so pleased to have finally met you. My name is Titania. I'm a nurse for the Resistance so I can say that I'm glad we didn't meet sooner," she laughed lightly at her own joke and then stepped to the side. "Please, come in."

BB-8, who had already invited herself into the quarters, beeped at Rey. Her beeps became more excited when she saw a small box of ribbons on a chair by the closet. Rey stepped into the room, feeling like a child as she looked around the room. Even the room was beautiful. It screamed elegance and femininity, the exact opposite of Rey.

Titania smiled at the droid, "Which ribbon do you like best, B?"

BB-8 pointed at the lime green ribbon...and then at the hot pink… and then at the electric blue. She beeped wildly.

"All three? Are you sure?" Titania pulled out a pair of white scissors from the box and started cutting strands of ribbon off of the spool. She looked up at Rey, "BB-8 has been telling everyone about your idea to dress her up. She was thrilled when I told her I had some ribbon that she could have. I hope you don't mind that I gave B some ribbon. I know that since it was your idea, you probably wanted to do it." She sat on her bed and carefully started winding the ribbons together to make an extravagant, multi-colored bow.

Rey shook her head, looking at the woman once again now that she had finished looking over the room. "No, I don't mind at all. I didn't even know how to get ribbon. I'm glad you were able to help out." She smiled as Titania tied the bow to BB-8's antenna. BB-8 flew to the mirror in the room to admire herself, swaying this way and that, beeping saucily at herself. Rey laughed before looking at the dress hanging by the closet. "Is this the dress that BB-8 was talking about?"

Titania nodded, the smile falling from her face. She cleared her throat, "Yeah, you know, I don't have anyone-anywhere to wear it to." She shrugged casually but her posture was rigid. "I was checking up on some old fractures of Poe's to make sure that he had healed right and he told me all about his and your date for tonight. I remember hearing from Poe about how you came from Jakku with almost nothing and figured you probably didn't have anything to wear for tonight." She took the dress and looked at it with a sad fondness, "The dress deserves a good night out and," she laughed but Rey could tell that what Titania was feeling was anything but funny, "you and Poe are going to be perfect. A power couple that represents everything the Resistance stands for." She handed the dress to Rey, who took it wordlessly, unsure of what to say.

Rey looked at Titania and then at the dress. The dress, she admitted, was beautiful. It was silver, the shadows of the fabric making the dress look like rippling water under a full moon. She wondered what Ben would think about her wearing the dr- _stop that._ She watched Titania carefully as she reached out and slowly took the dress, trying to not upset the woman any further. "Thank you. It's beautiful," she said and stepped back. "I'm sure it will be wonderful for tonight. I do have to start getting ready, now, though, so… I'll see you later?" Rey did not know what she did wrong or what was wrong but she was extremely uncomfortable and wanted to get out of the room as soon as she could.

Titania nodded, pretending there was something in her eye as she wiped at it fiercely while she watched Rey leave. BB-8 gave a beep of thanks and rolled out after Rey. Once Titania was left alone in her room, she pulled a ragged Resistance pilot's handkerchief with the initials P. D. from her breast pocket and held it close, refusing to cry but wanting to so bad.

It took no time for Rey to get ready. She didn't understand how some people took hours to get ready. She didn't even know what to do with herself if she gave herself too long to get ready. She liked to be always moving and productive. Within an hour, Rey was showered; her hair was dried and styled prettily and away from her face; a small amount of pink stain was applied to her cheeks and lips; kohl was applied to her eyelashes and lightly around her eyes; Titania's dress was put on; and the more simple pair of the two pairs of shoes she owned were put on her feet. "Ready, BB-8?"

BB-8 beeped determinedly.

Rey sighed in frustration, "I told you that you don't get any stain for your cheeks. We both know that Poe wouldn't like that."

Her response was met with angry, indignant beeps.

"I know he's not your father- you know what? I'm not going to argue with you about this. You talk to Poe and get back to me." She walked to her door and then spun around, unable to stop the smile from gracing her pink lips. "Wish me luck, little one." She left the room, walking to the area she and Poe had decided to meet at.

BB-8 beeped well wishes and luck until she knew that Rey had gotten far enough away. Then, she rolled over to Rey's small vanity. She rubbed a silver appendage aggressively on the container of pink stain before rubbing on either side of her face, smearing pink unevenly. She beeped in excitement and pleasure before rolling out the door and to where the ships were all parked. She bee lined straight for the Millenium Falcon, stopping only to make sure no one had seen her before she rolled aboard. She didn't stop her mission until she found the droid she was looking for. R2D2. She rolled around him, flouncing her ribbons and making sure that the droid had seen her expertly placed pink stain. The older droid responded in the affirmative and beeped back pleasantly. Rey wasn't the only one that had a date tonight.

"I have to say, you look stunning tonight," Poe walked with Rey to an open area outside, not very far from the base but still far enough away that they had an uninterrupted view of the night sky. He held a carafe of wine and two glasses. She held a blanket he had gotten for them.

Rey smiled awkwardly, "Thanks." She spread out the blanket before sitting down, careful to not reveal her underwear to the entire planet, "Titania let me borrow it."

Poe nodded and sat down, "Ah I see that. She is always dressed nicely and she is really nice."

They both nodded, a silence hanging between them. "So, uh, wine?"

Rey nodded and held the glasses as Poe filled them up, "I have to admit that I've never had wine before. Or anything alcoholic, for that matter." She handed him his glass after he carefully placed the carafe on the ground.

Poe raised his eyebrows at her admission, "Well, it doesn't taste as bad as other drinks but don't expect regular old fruit juice. You might think it tastes like… weird… vinegar and fruit at first but you get used to it, promise." He offered his glass."Cheers?" He grinned when she clinked her glass against his. Rey took a small sip and wrinkled her nose. Poe laughed at her reaction and took a sip from his own glass. "It's not that bad."

"I guess…" Rey forced herself to drink more. She enjoyed the heat that moved from her belly up to her head. "You're right. It does get better."

Poe bumped shoulders with her, "Told you so." He took another sip and then sighed, "I like being right."

Rey rolled her eyes, "You're not always right, you know." She gave him a pointed look as she took a sip.

"You sound like General Organa," Poe pouted. "I have good ideas."

Rey nodded once, "You also have bad ideas."

"Hey!"

Rey started laughing.

"Not nice!"

She sighed, amused with herself and enjoying Poe's company. She took another sip from her glass. She looked at him, a smile still playing on her lips. Things were so… easy with him. Things were simple. His eyes were kind and his smile was wide. She felt comfortable and not stressed at all.

Rey was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice when Poe started to lean towards towards her, his eyes focused on her lips. He was moving closer and something felt off. His eyes were brown but they weren't the right shade of brown. Her brain sent a jolt to her body all of a sudden and she pulled away. She quickly finished off her wine to look busy. "Can you, uh, can you refill my glass?" She shoved the glass into his chest so there could be something between them.

"Yeah...sure…" Poe's smile wavered slightly but he recovered quickly, refilling her glass and then his own.

Rey was just about to take a sip of her refreshed drink when a streak in the sky had her looking up. "Oh wow," she breathed, slowly leaning back to watch the sky. Poe leaned back as well, their arms pressed against each other. "It's…"

"Beautiful?" He asked, looking at her.

"Fantastic," She said instead, her eyes shining as the meteors shot through the sky.

Poe laughed, the moment that could have been romantic lost. Rey laughed, enjoying his mirth. She wondered, her mind loosening from the wine, what Ben sounded like when he laughed. Was it a low rumbling? A loud guffaw? A high giggle? The idea of Ben with a high giggle kept her face broken out in a smile.

She was so tickled that she didn't even notice the silence that surrounded her as her bond with Ben called him to her.

Ben felt Rey's presence and looked around smugly, expecting her to be standing-hopefully in another pretty dress-and waiting for him. "Well, well, well," he let his eyes scan his surroundings. He still saw what was physically around him, not what was physically around her, "I'm glad you finally came to your senses and-" He frowned. Where was she? "Rey?"

That's when he heard laughing. He frowned and looked down. Rey was on the floor by his feet. Laughing. She was looking at something by her side and she had a big, beautiful smile on her face.

A small smile flickered on his lips. He had never seen her happy like that before. The smile disappeared when he realized that she wasn't alone. He drove their bond further, feeling the force spread out more. He started to see his surroundings change. It got darker. He was outside. He saw her on a blanket. She held a glass of something-probably wine- in one hand. And next to her sat-

"The _pilot_?!" Ben exclaimed and he saw Rey's eyes dart to him.

Rey felt a sobering panic fill her chest. _No. Not here. Not now. I can't talk to Ben with Poe here. Poe can't no about the connection._ She quickly averted her eyes, feeling her head still swim. So the panic wasn't as sobering as she had thought.

"Rey, look at me right now," Ben demanded, pacing at her side like a caged animal. She still ignored him. "Look at me, Rey!" He barked, "Rey-God, why don't you have a last name?" he groaned and saw her touch Poe's shoulder and laugh when he made a joke that Ben was sure she didn't even hear because of how loud he was being. That was his future wife Poe was making jokes with. Ben smiled darkly, " _REY SOLO!"_

Rey shot up from her reclined position and gave Ben a shocked look. They stared at each other Ben panting and Rey with wide eyes.

"You okay?" Poe started to sit up. He put his hand on Rey's back. Rey and Ben both tensed. Rey silently mouthed "behave" to Ben who looked like he was about to snap Poe's neck.

Rey smiled at Poe, "Yeah I'm fine. Just give me a minute. I need to walk around. The wine is getting to my head a little too much."

Poe started to say something but Rey was already on her feet and walking away, Ben in tow. They didn't stop walking until they got to a tree near the base.

"What are you doing?" She whispered angrily.

Ben gaped at Rey, "What am I doing? What are you doing!"

Rey crossed her arms over her chest, "It's none of your business."  
"None of my business? Of course it's my business!"  
"You don't own me, Ben!"

"We are going to get married one day, _Rey!"_

"Oh really? I haven't seen you on your knee asking me what I thought about that, _Ben_!"

"I am aware that I haven't proposed, _Rey!_ "

"You haven't even asked me out on a date, _Ben_. But do you know who did, _Ben?_ A very handsome-"  
Ben growled, "You know it's not that easy," he said lowly, quietly.

The anger drained from Rey's face and she looked down at their feet sadly. She looked up at him, "Why can't it be that easy? Why can't you be here? With me?"

Ben felt a heaviness in his chest, "Rey," he said softly. It wasn't that easy. Rey searched his face, chewing on her bottom lip. She nodded silently and walked away from him. He watched her leave. What did that mean. "Rey?" He followed her, unsure of what else to do. He saw Rey sitting down on the blanket with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her eyes flickered up to him before looking back down to Poe.

"I...can't...do...this," Rey struggled to say. "I'm not a normal girl that can go on dates," She smiled sadly, "as amazing as those dates can be."

Poe sat back, his face serious. "Oh, um, okay." He nodded and started standing up. "Should I go?"

Rey nodded silently, her eyes on Ben. He watched her back silently.

"Do you want me to walk you back to your quarters?" Poe asked but wasn't surprised when Rey shook her head. "Well, hey, maybe we can do this again at a better time?"

"Yeah maybe," Rey nodded up at Poe, "Good night, Poe."

Poe knew that was his cue to leave, so he did, his mind stuck on the peculiar girl whose dress shone like moonlight.

Rey sat a little while longer, her mind swimming from the left over effects of the wine and from the man that stood in front of her. She was conflicted. She was confused. She was… at a loss. She couldn't leave everything to be with him even if she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It wasn't right. She wouldn't be able to live with herself. She wouldn't be able to live without Ben in her life, though.

She groaned and buried her face in her hands. She could feel Ben in front of her. She could feel the force moving inside her. She could feel in moving around her. She could feel it trying to move her in the direction she should go in. She looked back up at Ben, who had waited so very patiently while she thought.

"Should I go to? Usually I don't have a choice and you just kick me out." Ben spoke up. His words were dry and sarcastic but his eyes were gentle.

Rey shook her head and stood up, picking up the blanket as she moved. She started walking back to the base. Ben walked with her in companionable silence. He had no idea what she was thinking but hope fluttered in his chest. Was she giving him a chance? He didn't want to talk and ruin it.

When they got to her room, he hesitated before following her in. He took a moment to look around. Her walls were bare but there were little trinkets and odds and ends that fit on her vanity and on the floor. Seemed that she was still a scavenger. He smiled, the thought was an oddly endearing one.

He looked back up at her as she was changing into pajamas. It wasn't as revealing as the last time they had been connected but he felt his heart race and stomach clench anyway.

 _Mom in a gold bikini… mom in a gold bikini… mom in a gold bikini_. He chanted it like a mantra in his head, thinking about it so hard that he felt his heart slow back down.

Rey jolted and looked at Ben in confusion, her pajamas safely in place on her body, "I know this sounds like a weird question but… were you just thinking about your mother in gold underthings?"

Ben went rigid, "...maybe."

Rey's eyes widened, "I saw what you were thinking. In my mind I saw your thought." She sat down on the edge of her bed and thoughtfully let her hair down. "Is that part of the bond too?" She asked him.

He had been staring at her play with her hair, wanting to do it himself. He hadn't been fully listening to what she was saying. "Hm? Oh." He cleared his throat, "Yes probably." He focused for a moment on his physical surroundings so he could sit on his own bed while he sat on hers through their bond.

Rey rubbed her eyes, feeling warm and sleepy. She couldn't help but smile at Ben. "Would you mind terribly if I laid down? I don't know how much longer I can sit myself up." She started stretching out before he could say anything. "You can lay down too, if you want," she said with a yawn.

Ben watched her curiously before carefully laying down next to her. He faced her as he laid on his side. The bed wasn't terribly big but they both had just enough room. "Is this okay?" He asked cautiously.

She nodded, eyes closed, "It's nice when you are close because it makes me all tingly. Do you suppose that's part of the bond too?"

"I suppose it could be." Ben knew that Rey had a lack of filter because of her drinking earlier. It was still… sweet, though. If it was with anyone else,he would be annoyed but since it was her,it was sweet. "What about when we touch?" His fingers lightly brushed hers.

She hummed, "It feels like a sunburn but it doesn't hurt. Does it feel that way for you too, Ben?" She brushed her fingers against his in response.

Ben swallowed thickly and nodded. He could tell she was on the edge of sleep. "Rey?"

"Hm?"

"The dress you wore tonight wasn't my grandmother's was it?"

"No, Ben, it wasn't."

"Good."

"Goodnight, Ben."  
"Goodnight, Rey."

Ben watched Rey as she slowly drifted off. Her comfort and relaxation emanated from her mind and into his like a soft kiss. And he soon found himself asleep too. He woke up only a few minutes later to find himself back in his own bed, alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Guess who is back from the dead! Man sorry I was gone so long. I told yall that when I get sick, I get really sick. Anyway here is a chapter. Second part of it will probably come tomorrow or the next day.**

 **On a totally unrelated note DID YOU GUYS SEE BLACK PANTHER YET? Hot damn I have a crush on that entire cast. It was such a good movie.**

 **Alright. Here you go XOXO**

Ben felt nervous and uncertain. He and Rey ended the night on good terms. The night ended in a way that made a tiny murmur of hope start to build in his chest. When he woke up, though, and was able to dwell and stew, the hope was replaced by doubts and apprehension. Was she more accepting towards him because she had been intoxicated? Would she try to shut him out again once she woke up and remembered the night? Where were they now? What were they now? Were things going to be weird? Were things already weird? He didn't know whether to greet her with an easy going smile or whether he should be aloof and vague. Should he play it cool? Ben Solo had never done a single cool thing in his life. He certainly wasn't being cool in that moment especially.

In fact, he was so busy not being cool that he didn't even notice his connection with Rey come to life until she was standing right next to him.

"Can I help you in some way?" Rey spoke up as she observed Ben practically tearing at his own hair. He tensed and his eyes shot to her smaller form. His eyes narrowed when he saw the amused quirk of her lips, "Do you need to sit down...or…?"

Ben lowered his hands and straightened, pretending he hadn't been having a panic attack from the thought of talking to a girl, "Excuse you. Did you need something?"

The brunette shrugged and sat down on her bed, "I don't know. A lot happened last night. I wanted to check up, I guess."

"Check up on what? Me? I'm fine," he paused and they both knew that she shown up and saw how not fine he was. He changed the subject, "You're the one that was two hops from Hoth last night."

Rey glared at him as she blushed. "I did not drink that much," she protested.

Ben smirked, "Your mouth was stained so red from that wine that my saber would have paled in comparison."

"And your eyes were so green that you put Yoda to shame," she shot back, grinning triumphantly when his smirk faltered.

"I was not jealous."

"And my mother was an Ewok."

"You don't know that. You're small and hairy enough to be half Ewok."

" _My mother was not an Ewok-_ "

"And your father must have been Mon Calamari because you are gaping like a fish."

" _-and I'm not small or hairy or gaping!_ " Rey exclaimed as she gaped.

Ben laughed at her protests, only to laugh louder when Rey joined in with him. They laughed away the tension and doubts. They laughed like old friends. When the much needed laughter died down, he sat down next to her.

"So what if I was jealous?" He asked, his eyes watching her face for any slight reaction, "Is that such a bad thing?"

Rey looked down at her hands, thinking carefully about her answer. "Ben, you aren't exactly known for being understanding or tame or… passive. Making you jealous could very much be a death wish." A tendril of hair fell in her face. Without even thinking about it, Ben tucked it behind her ear. It had felt second nature. Rey's humorless smile was bittersweet as she pushed his hand. She turned and faced him, "And then you go and do things like that. You _are_ sweet and understanding and gentle and…" She trailed off as they gazed at one another. "You are infuriating. You know that?"

Ben smiled wryly, "I think I had an idea."

Rey shook her head, the tendril of hair falling back to her face. She stopped his hand from pushing it back again. "Stop… doing… that. Stop being so _familiar_ with me. You touch me and...and.. kiss me… and call me your _wife_ …" She pressed her hands against her forehead. "It's messing with my mind. I don't know what we are! I don't know what is happening here or what this is. And between how you and these dreams I've been having-"

"Dreams?"

"Nightmares? I don't know."

"What dreams?"

Rey let her hands drop and stared off, images of the dreams she's been having playing in her mind. "I'm in them and so are you. I think your grandmother and grandfather are also in them. I see them talk, argue, fall in love… I watched her die." She felt her eyes start to burn and she blinked away the feeling quickly. "It happens when I sleep, when I meditate, whenever my mind is open to it it seems. It was like that vision in the mirror. I feel like the force is trying to tell me something but I'm so scared of it being manipulated by aftershocks of Snoke's death or by you. I don't know what to believe or what to trust. I just want things to be normal and easy."

Ben sat in silence, thinking about everything she just said. He didn't want her to not trust him. He didn't want her to pull away or fight him because she was scared. After a few moments more of careful thought, he spoke up. "I don't think it's Snoke. It's not me. You know how my touch feels on your mind. I wouldn't be able to hide that from you." He paused and then looked at her, "It must be the dresses that triggered it. I haven't been having the dreams but I also haven't worn anything of my grandparents. I have his mask but it's so damaged…" Ben trailed off. He'll have to think more on that later. "Maybe it's my grandmother who is doing all this. She is the one that is trying to tell you something."

"Why is she trying to tell _me_ something? She's your grandmother not mine. Why can't she talk to you? Or your mother?" Rey scrubbed her face with her calloused hands.

Ben shrugged, "Her business isn't with me or my mother. It's with you."

"But why?! I am not a Skywalker and as much as you insist, I am not a Solo. I am Rey. I am nobody. You said so yourself. I'm nothing-"

"But not to me," he reminded her. "You have to remember the full conversation, Rey Solo," he teased her, trying to lighten the mood.

Rey practically growled, "I am not Rey Solo!"

"Not yet."

"Why do you-why do I-why-you-I'm not-UGH!" Rey stomped her foot and stood up. "You are beyond aggravating." She spun on her heel and faced him. "You and I could never work. It's destined to fail just like your grandparents did. Light and dark don't mix. It's oil and water. You need to be with someone like you and I need to be with someone like me. That's what I was trying to do last night until I was so rudely interrupted."

Ben scoffed, feeling the unpleasant tinge of jealousy start to rise up in his chest. "You cannot honestly believe that the pilot is your match. He can barely tie is on shoes."

"You may not like it-may not like him-but Poe is more than a decent man. He is good, he's funny, he does for people, he's brave, he's kind…"

"So everything I'm not, huh?" Ben looked like he was tasting something bitter, his face distorting in a way that would rival Hux's usual sour expression.

Rey faltered and looked at Ben. She felt ice shoot through her chest when she saw the expression on his face. "That's not what I said."

Ben scoffed, "But it's what you meant, isn't it. You think he's better than me? Better for you… better man… is that it?"

"Ben, stop it. Just listen-"

Rey was interrupted by a knock at her room door. She gave him a look that said to stay there and that she wasn't done with him yet. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding before opening the door. Her face fell. "Good morning, Poe."

Ben tensed and quickly pushed his bond further to see her surroundings, to see the pilot.

"Well don't look too happy to see me," Poe's charming smile made her relax a little but not much.

She shook her head, "Sorry. I'm still a little beat up after last night." She made a point to rub her forehead.

Poe's smile brightened, "Lucky for you, that's exactly why I am here. I wanted to drop off a tonic water and some pain pills." He raised up the objects he had been holding. She took them politely but knew she wouldn't use them. She didn't like taking pills. "Also, I wanted to apologize for last night. I didn't mean to move too fast for you or make you uncomfortable in any way."

Ben rolled his eyes, barely containing a snort.

Rey waved a hand dismissively, "It's fine, Poe. No harm done."

Ben snorted.

"I had just assumed that you wouldn't be opposed to being a little more friendly on the first date since you were a scavenger for so long and all," Poe shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "That's my bad, though. You know what they say about people that assume. It makes an ass out of you and me."

Rey's eyes went wide and every muscle in her frame was tense. Did he just say what she thought he said?

"Anyway, let me apologize the right way and treat you to a proper date?" Poe continued. "It'll be much better than last night. I promise." He raised his hand, "Pilot's honor."

Rey forced her eyes to not look like they were popping out of her skull and instead squinted forcefully, "You know, Poe, can we talk about this later? My head still really hurts."

Poe's eyes widened, "Oh yeah no I'm sorry for bothering you. See you at lunch?"

"Yeah...see you…"

Rey shut her door and silently walked back to her bed. She sat down, her back straight as a rod. She dropped the pills on the ground and placed the glass on her side table. She didn't even notice that Ben was talking to her until he touched her arm, making her jump.

"Rey?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Is it because he called you a scavenger?" Ben frowned. He called her a scavenger all the time.

"Scavengers don't always make enough money for food. It's common for them to do more desperate things when scavenging doesn't cut it." She gave Ben a glance, trying to tell him what she didn't want to say out loud.

"What? Like stealing?"

Rey looked away, gritting her teeth. "If they don't have parts to sell, it's not uncommon for them to sell their bodies."

The silence was deafening. Rey nodded. She knew it. Ben would be disappointed in her. He would be disgusted.

After a few more seconds, Ben angrily boomed out. "What the _fuck?_!"

Rey nodded again. She wasn't surprised. She closed her eyes to accept the fate of him tearing her, her past, and her dignity to shreds. "I did what I had to do to sur-"

"THAT SELF ABSORBED PILOT THAT HE COULD LAY HIS GREASY FINGERS ON YOU BECAUSE AT ONE POINT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO _STARVE TO DEATH_?!"

Rey looked at him, stunned. "You're not mad?"  
"Are you _blind_? OF COURSE I'M MAD!" Ben got up and started pacing angrily. "I can't believe he would even say that to you. I would expect something like that from Hux. And do you know what Hux is? He's a bumblefuck, that's what." Ben barked out angry laughter and turned to face her, "Water and oil... How could you say that the pilot is even the same species as you?!"

"I thought you would be mad at me… about…" Rey said quietly and tilted her head to the side.

The anger melted from Ben's frame immediately. He knelt in front of her and took her hands, "No no no...Rey I would never... you didn't have a choice. I mean, I'm not happy about it but it was your body and your life. You did what you had to do to survive."

Rey sat in silence, her hands limp in his. She kept her eyes trained away from his and her jaw was set.

Ben gently brushed his mind against hers to see what she was thinking. Air harshly left his lungs when he did. He saw Rey, barely old enough to be considered any type of woman, laying alone in the heap of scraps she called her home, crying because not even her body was hers anymore. The memories of hands touching and grabbing her played over and over again, keeping her up at night. She mourned over what might have been a precious and special act of intimacy now being as tainted and damned as every other aspect of her life.

He moved, sitting on the bed beside her again. He wanted to help her. He wanted to make the memories and feelings go away. He wanted the only hands she remembered feeling to be his hands. He wanted to not only feel like she had her own body to love but that she had his body too. He wanted things to be precious for her once more. He had no idea how to do any of that. Things were complicated between them. She would never ask him for help even if she so desperately needed it. She wouldn't ask him for help or comfort no matter how much she wanted it.

Ben knew how much one person could want to be held. He knew loneliness and pain. He knew self disgust. He knew how much one could ache for a simple embrace. So he wasn't surprised that when he hugged her, even if she would never ask him to, she hugged him back just as tight.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hello lovelies~ it's me. Back at it again with the Reylo. I know y'all love banter so here is plenty more of that. Also some important stuff happens. And our favorite princess and general is back!  
Anyway I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow (it's a benefit of being a Californian...I'm super spoiled) and I am going to give Tomorrowland a kiss for all of my lovely reviewers. Want me to kiss Tomorrowland for you? Review! Or just review because you like the story. Or review because you have a request or suggestion. Or review because you love me. **_

_**XOXO**_

"Do you want to know why I was thinking about my mom in a gold bikini earlier?"

Ben's question pulled Rey out of her trance-like funk. The question was so far away from anything in her mind at that moment that it brought her back to the present instead of being lost in her many ghosts and regrets of the past. Images of grubby hands touching her left her mind and were replaced by her scantily clad General in a questionable two piece.

"I do admit that I am rather curious as to how your thoughts ended up there last night," Rey spoke up, feeling as if she hadn't talked in years although it had only been a few minutes. She slowly pulled away from the unexpected but surprisingly not unwelcome embrace of who used to be her sworn enemy. Her eyebrow rose when she saw a pale pink start to color his cheeks.

Ben cleared his throat as he casually wiped his clammy palms on his trousers, "Well," he gave her a smile knowing that he was going to sound completely foolish and embarrassing, "Sometimes… when I see you… I feel things _inappropriate_ for the situation and so to combat those _feelings_ I have to conjure up an image that is intensely... off putting." He grumbled out the last two words and made a face when the aforementioned image appeared in his mind's eye again. He chanced a glance in Rey's direction, wincing when he saw her expression.

Rey looked at him, her lips forming as much of an 'O' as they could while smiling at the same time. The smile widened when the pink on his face turned to beet red. "Benjamin! Do you mean-" She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to tame her amusement.

Ben rolled his eyes, "Yeah yeah laugh it up. Get it out of your system."

She was already laughing, though. "You're just saying all that to make me feel better."

"If only that were the case."

His response only made her laugh more.

He gazed at her, obviously not nearly as amused as she was if the pout of his lips or the wrinkle of his nose were any indication.

After Rey's laughter died down she gave him a grateful smile, "Thank you."

Ben shook his head, "He is an idiot."

Rey tilted her head, her smile teasing, "So are you."

"So are _you_ ," he shot back.

She nodded in agreement, "So am I."

"I mean, how can you think that he is good for you? He thinks he can just get away with doing or saying whatever he wants with a dumb smile and sloppy logic."

"I don't know," Rey shrugged. She bit her lip in thought before attempting an explanation, "Poe's intentions are good. He doesn't think things through but he doesn't mean any harm either. I'm not upset at him for what he said. He wasn't wrong in assuming and was humble enough to apologize and even laugh at himself."

Ben groaned, "Why do you have to be so understanding when it comes to him but when it comes to me I am the villain, cut and dry, black and white?" He faced her, his dark hair falling in front of his equally as dark eyes. "Things don't have to be black and white, Rey. There is more than only light and only dark. That's what I've been trying to tell you. That's what I want for you and for me… for both of us." His eyes searched hers, trying to find a way to get her to see what he saw and feel what he felt. "Kiss me," he said suddenly.

Rey looked at him in surprise before schooling her features to an unamused deadpan, "Very funny. Maybe you should start thinking about that bikini again, mama's boy."

"I'm being serious. I'm not using it as a way to come on to you. I just… I need you to feel this." Ben pushed his hair back as he let out a breath through his nose, "Just… just turn off your brain for a second. Almost like you're meditating, alright?"  
"And then kiss you?" Rey didn't seem convinced.

"Right."

"Why?"

"Just trust me, okay?"

They looked at each other in silence for a moment.

Rey broke the silence, "I mean do I just go in for it or…?"

Ben rolled his eyes before giving her an exasperated look, "Can you not make it weird?"

"I'm not making it weird! You made it weird by saying it was weird!" Rey argued, feeling just as exasperated with him as he obviously was with her. Perhaps more frustrated than exasperated. She continued, "All I did was ask a question. I'm never going to agree to let you be my teacher if you make things weird over a simple, _reasonable_ question."

"I wasn't going to just assume you trusted me and go in for a kiss! I don't assume things like _some people_!"

"Stop bringing up Poe! I get it! You're jealous!"

"Quit saying I'm jealous of that Hutt! He is a slimy, spineless Hutt and I am more than happy to be nothing like him so-"

Rey silenced him by pressing her lips to his. She pulled away and looked at him pointedly, "Benjamin, I can't believe that I have obviously signaled that it is okay to kiss me and you would rather talk about Poe. Now please. Apparently I am supposed to not use my brain but you are making me use my brain so much that I'm starting to get a headache."

Ben watched as Rey closed her eyes and breathed. It took all his willpower to not make the kiss experiment meant to examine shades of gray into a kiss experiment that focused more on chemistry and… other scientific reactions. He figured that he should follow his own advice and turn off his brain as well but he also wanted to indulge in the moment, even if that wasn't his intended purpose.

His internal debate was silenced when Rey closed the distance between them once more. Her fingers gently rested on his cheek. Her lips fit against his. The force hummed and whispered around them, moving their lips and beating their hearts. She eased into the kiss like she would into the ocean. Soft. Little by little. Slowly deeper. Until she became a part of it. She felt the differences and the Force's touch. She felt what the Force was trying to tell her and what Ben was trying to tell her.

She slowly broke the kiss but kept her forehead against his, not wanting to jar either of them from the connection too quickly. "What is that?"

"Gray," Ben answered in a breath.

"Balance," Rey realized, suddenly realizing what Ben was trying to explain but becoming all the more confused about it. "I feel it too," she admitted to him quietly, repeating his words from what felt like a lifetime ago back to him.

She felt questions start to fill her head and she suddenly started to feel overwhelmed. Everything in her head started crashing together, connecting, rearranging, mixing. She stood up quickly. "I need to think. I need time to think. I need to think. I—I'll talk to you later."

With that, she left her room and closed off her side of their bond. She needed to talk to someone else that wasn't Ben about what all this meant. She needed to make sense about what was going on in her head before she talked to him again. She needed to talk to Leia.

Rey wandered the halls and corridors aimlessly, half in thought and half looking for General Organa. Her mind was moving a mile a minute, hindering her from doing the latter half of her intended actions. In fact, she was so lost in thought that she walked right by the woman she was looking for.

"Everything all right, my dear?" Leia's voice snapped Rey out of her thoughts, making her freeze and turn on her heel to walk back to the older woman.

"Actually… can we talk?" Rey took her nerves out by picking at her calloused hands. "I would really appreciate talking with you about some things."

Leia nodded in solemn understanding but was silently as giddy as a school girl. More boy talk! "I see this is troubling for you." She hooked their arms together, "Come, let us go somewhere more private." She walked them outside and to a bench. "Now, tell me what this is all about. I hear that you spent your evening with Poe Dameron. Does that have anything to do with it?" Before Rey had a chance to say anything, Leia continued to speak. "It seems like you're in a bit of a love triangle. First you're struggling with your feelings for the person you feel more bonded to than anyone else in the entire world and then comes a roguish, scruffy little scoundrel with one hell of a smile…" Leia shook her head, swept up in a moment of nostalgia, "It's the scruffy ones that always get to you. They sneak in under your radar with their piloting skills and their charm." She pointed to Rey, "Careful or they will charm the pants right off of you. Then you end up pregnant with a beautiful baby boy that grows up to be the Supreme Leader." She turned and faced Rey fully, "You've seen my son. He's almost as tall as Chewie, I swear. And can you believe that that giant came out of me? I swear I was taller than him at one point. It might not look it because I'm belly button height to him now but I swear I was much taller than belly button height once."

Leia paused, trying to remember what her point was. "Oh right. How was your date with Poe?" She asked, her curiosity aflame.

"Well-" Rey started but Leia was talking again.

"Did you guys kiss? Fool around a bit? Did you see him with his shirt off? Tell me, how hairy was his chest? I've always been curious as to if he shaves his chest or not. I can't figure out which he would do." Leia laughed, thinking of her pilot. "I admit that I've always been curious as to if he was good in the sack or a good kisser or not. He reminds me of Han so I have my theories-"

Rey interrupted her, "We didn't do anything, Leia."

Leia deflated, visibly disappointed. "Is it because of…?" She trailed off but she meant Finn. It was such a strange love triangle. Rey and Finn but also Rey and Poe? Leia had figured that the love triangle would have ended up with Rey and Fin and also Finn and Poe.

Rey nodded. "He's always in my head, nagging at me and distracting me and making me question absolutely everything."

Leia nodded in understanding, "Ah, morals and such?" It would be hard to be in love with a man that already had a girlfriend and to have that girlfriend be someone like Rose? It must be very hard indeed.

"Exactly!" Rey bit her lip hard as she tried to figure out how to say what she had to say next. "Leia, there is the light side and there is the dark side but is there anything in the middle? Are there gray areas?"

Leia brightened up, "You know, Rey, there is. I know that this situation must be hard for you and must be making you doubt your morals but I think the Force is leading you in this direction, to this conversation, for a reason. There is no such thing as black and white. Humans are not black and white, only bad or only good. I used to tell Ben that all the time. He would struggle with his thoughts and his feelings, about right and wrong. Luke didn't help because he didn't support the Gray Jedi-"

"Gray Jedi?" Rey asked, perplexed.

Leia gave the younger woman a smile, "Yes, they're Force-users who walk the line between the light and dark sides of the Force without surrendering to the dark side. They didn't follow the Jedi Code. They followed their hearts and their guts. They followed the Force."

Rey's eyes widened in understanding and realization. That's what Ben was trying to tell her. That's what the kiss meant. She was light with dark and he was dark with light. They balanced each other out. He wanted to be Gray with her. That's what he meant back on the ship after they battled side by side, after they saved each other's lives. That's what she wasn't understanding. But she does now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello hello my beautiful bumblebees. Here is the latest installment of this monster that I created that used to be a oneshot. I honestly really don't like this chapter. It's tying some loose ends and putting things where they need to be for the story to progress to where it needs to be.**

 **Disneyland was wonderful for anyone that was curious. I cried when I saw Kylo and Darth fighting younglings together on stage because I'm a bit mental but A FAMILY THAT PLAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER AMIRITE?! Also bonus I got to ballroom dance with Chewie. I might have fallen in love a little bit.**

"Hey, thank you for all you've done."

"It was nothing."

"Quit being so modest for a second and let me thank you," Poe smiled and sucked in a breath through his teeth. "I swear you let people walk all over you sometimes and that is bull because you are hands down the best person I know."

Titania gave Poe a look, biting her lip as she smiled. "I just don't like talking about me. I feel so boring-"

Poe waved his hand at her, "Stop that, will ya?"

The olive skinned beauty rolled her eyes in playful compliance. "Fine, go on… if you must."

"I do must!" Poe grinned, continuing their slow walk to the mess hall. Poe had stopped their walking when he tried to thank her. "Titania, you do so much. Every time I see my droid she has a new bow. I'm willing to bet that whenever I catch her with makeup on it's because you let her use some of yours which you never have to do. You let Rey borrow that stunning dress. I mean-" He turned to face her, "Why don't you ever wear dresses like that? It was yours in the first place. You would look stunning in it. You always look stunning." He started walking again, "I just don't get it. You deserve to dress up and have fun whenever you want. You're seriously the nicest-"

Titania silenced him with a look. "Where do you expect me to wear a dress like that? Breakfast?"

Poe sighed in exasperation, "Come on. Be serious," he whined.

"I am serious. You be serious." Titania crossed her arms over her chest, "I don't see anyone banging down my door to sweep me away for some romantic night, Poe. I'm alone," she kept her eyes away from him as they started to burn. "I've accepted that I don't get my happily ever after so at least I can help with someone else's."

Poe slowed to a stop, brows furrowed and expression sober. "Titania…"

She raised her hands to stop him, "No, no, don't feel bad for me."

"I don't feel bad for anyone," he took her slender hands in his rough ones. "You listen to me, okay?" He dipped his head to get her to look him in the eye. "Anyone would be lucky to have you. You are so smart and beautiful… You put up with me." That got her to laugh albeit sadly. "You laugh at my jokes.. Even the stupid ones."

"Especially the stupid ones," she added, softly, a small smile playing on her full lips.

Poe grinned at her addition, "Especially the stupid ones." He started walking with her again. "Sometimes you can just look at someone and see how good of a mother they'd be in one day. I see that with you, you know."

Titania wrapped her arms around her middle, "I don't need an infant. I have to take care of you all the time. You're the biggest baby I know."

"Does that mean I can call you Mommy?" Poe grinned saucily. He flinched when she punched his arm. "Ow, I kid! I kid!" His expression changed, eyes wide and eyebrows up to his hairline. "That reminds me, though. I caught BB-8 and R2D2 in my quarters together last night after I got back from my date with Rey. I have no idea what they were doing. Frankly, I don't think I want to know. All I saw was some button mashing before I kicked them both out of there."

Titania laughed, the sound feminine and bell like, "I didn't even know droids could be romantic without being programmed that way… Wait is that what I made her bow for?" She shook her head in amusement, "Oh, B, you minx." She gave Poe a look, "She gets that from you, you know."

"Me?!"

"Yes you. Don't even try to deny it."

Poe smiled sheepishly. He couldn't hide anything from Titania. She could read him like a book. "It's just part of my charm, I guess." He bumped shoulders with her. "It's why you love me."

Titania tensed at his words but gave him a playful smile, "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I'll tell you what helps me sleep at night," Poe wiggled his eyebrows at her, dodging her fist when it went for his arm again. "It was too easy not to! I'm sorry!" He straightened up when he saw Rey walking their direction. "Oh, Rey!"

Rey blinked, looking up and noticing Poe and Titania in front of her. She noticed that Titania seemed to be in a much better mood than she had been the night before.

"We were just on our way to lunch," Poe wrapped his arm around Rey's shoulders and Rey could have sworn that she saw Titania's smile falter. "Join us," he continued, completely oblivious.

Rey looked in the direction she had been headed, the direction of her quarters. She had really wanted to talk to Ben. Her stomach growled. Maybe lunch wasn't such a bad idea after all. Plus, it'd help her think better when she talked to Ben and tried to make more sense about the whole Grey Jedi thing.

She nodded, "Sure."

Poe frowned and extracted his arm from around her shoulders as they walked, noticing how tense she was. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable again."

Titania rose her eyebrow as she watched Poe start to fumble with his words.

"I mean you didn't seem uncomfortable last night-" Poe's eyes widened at his own implication, "I mean! Uh- I mean, not that we did anything last night… but you know that. You were there," he laughed awkwardly, "I just mean that we were kinda close and you seemed fine. Although you were drinking… NOT THAT I WAS TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE DRINKING! Oh God…" Poe sunk into his chair once they got to the canteen.

Titania rubbed Poe's shoulder as she sat down next to him, "Don't mind him. He suffers from a fairly acute case of Foot in the Mouth Disease."

Poe half heartedly glared at Titania while Rey sat down. "And you are a nurse that suffers from a Doctor Complex."

Titania quirked a thin, elegant eyebrow, "And you suffer from a Hero Complex."

Poe snorted but couldn't help the grin that spread on his lips, "I love it when you fight back." He winked at her.

Rey half listened to the banter as she selected what she wanted from the menu hologram projected off of their table. Quickly her spot at the table opened up presenting a water and a prepackaged sandwich to Rey. She spoke up while she unwrapped her sandwich, "Did you two used to date?" She asked curiously, her many years alone on Jakku causing her to be uncouth.

Poe directed his grin at Rey while Titania rigidly ordered her food, her cheeks flushed. "Why? You jealous?"

Rey rolled her eyes, "Hardly. You two seem to have good chemistry, is all." Her mind went back to Ben, to their chemistry, their banter. Were they as obvious as Poe and Titania and also as blind? Maybe she was just over thinking.

Poe practically ignored everything she said. Instead, he turned the conversation back in his favor. "Maybe I want to know more about our chemistry," he told Rey and then smirked. "You know, attraction, reactions…"

Rey didn't even spare Poe a glance as she focused on her sandwich, "I know what chemistry is."

"Chemists know what chemistry is. It doesn't stop them from experimenting," Poe shrugged as Titania choked on the coffee she had just gotten. He patted her back.

"Maybe we should leave the experimenting to the professionals," Rey glanced at Titania who was looking from Poe to Rey with an unreadable expression.

Poe leaned across the table to Rey, "Or maybe… you should go out with me again. Let me make up for how much of a disaster last night turned into."

Rey saw someone approaching Poe so she leaned in across the table to she could talk quietly without anyone being in her business. "Last night was wonderful. You were wonderful. It was me that mucked everything up," she paused, thinking back on her conflicting feelings. She thought about how easy it was to be with Poe but how right it was to be with Ben. "Things got in the way," she said carefully and then added, "but that should be fixed soon. Hopefully everything can be all right between us." She still wanted to be friends with Poe. Her eyes moved to the figure looming behind Poe and then widened.

" _Things got in the way_ ," Ben repeated, his eyes wide in disbelief and anger, " _but that will be fixed soon_?" He seethed, " _Last night was wonderful. You were wonderful._ " He walked around Poe and glared harshly at Rey. "I'm sorry. Was I in the way during your perfect, wonderful date last night?" She could see the dimples in his chin as he fought for his lip not to quiver. She quickly excused herself from the table, walking quickly as Ben followed, "We had just talked, Rey. I thought we were finally on the same page." She spun to face him. "Tell me… when you left to _think things over,_ did you immediately look for him or did you spend some time polishing the blade before driving the knife into my back?!"

Rey watched and listened as Ben's emotions erratically pushed his rant out at her. She could feel the anger radiating off of him. She could feel the sadness and disappointment it was trying to cover. She knew it was her fault that he came in when he did. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about him. He had probably jumped at the first chance he got when he felt the bond on her side open up to him more.

"You misunderstand," she tried to explain. "You came in at the wrong time-"

"Right," he said bitterly. "You didn't expect me to hear you flirting with him."

"I wasn't flirting!"

"You know what?" Ben's voice was quiet and low. "I was foolish to ever think that I could trust you… that I could lo-" His dark eyes moved away from her, jaw set, and he took a step back from her. "I am not a toy. The pilot can have you. You deserve each other. You two can play your stupid games and play each other like toys. Don't come crying to me when he breaks you or trades you in for a better model."

His words cut into her. His eyes seared her skin. His voice gripped at her very bones. She was out of breath. She didn't know what to say, what to do.

Then…

He was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello everyone! I figured that, instead of making one mega chapter as I was originally intending, I'm going to post smaller chapters for the next three or so posts. I think its going to keep things more organized and make their separation feel even more drawn out. No Padme or Anakin in this chapter but there's a friendly face that I think we all miss. It's not just Padme and Anakin's love story that they are following anyway.**

 **XOXO**

 _Lights and shadows. Ripples and blinks. Broad shoulders atop a rigid back. Clenched fists hiding familiar, gently fingers. Walking, walking, walking away._

" _Ben!" Rey saw his retreating form and called out to him before she could stop herself. Their surroundings were blurry but the sight of him was true._

" _Yes, scavenger?" Thoughts, memories, their very surroundings were unclear but Ben knew he had to get away from her even though he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He turned to face her. Why was she the clearest thing? In reality and in his dreams, he only ever saw her._

" _I thought you decided to stay," the silence filled in the unsaid words of_ with me _. I thought you decided to stay with me._

 _Flashes of Poe and Rey together, both memories and Ben's self destructive fantasies, filled both of their minds. "Well, the pilot you ran into changed my mind."_

" _Ben, we need you!" I need you._

" _We?"_

" _Yes." We the Resistance was what she meant, wasn't it?_

" _Oh, what about what_ you _need?" He was tired of talking in circles with her._

 _Images of Ben's fingers on her skin as she wore his grandmother's dress, images of their lips pressed together innocently, hotly, curiously, hungrily, images of them laying in bed together filled both of their minds._

" _I need? I don't know what you're talking about." Surroundings started to clear around them, shaping into a corridor._

 _Ben shook his head, fed up, "You probably don't." Did he imagine everything? Was this dream more real than his interactions with her outside of it? His words felt like his own but he didn't feel completely in control, the words all felt used before._

" _And what precisely am I supposed to know?" Rey found herself asking. They felt the familiarity of an argument start to bubble between them._

" _Come on! You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me." Images of Han Solo echoing the same words flashed between them._

 _Leia, young and in one of her many all white outfits responded as Rey did. "Yes. You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader."_

" _No! That's not it." Both men protested their movements shadowing one another, their frustrations and attractions mimicking each other, "Uh huh! Come on."_

 _Rey and Leia stared. Their eyes blinked in understanding until the colors matched. When they laughed, the laugh came out as one sound instead of two and then the women became one instead of two. "You're imagining things," Rey said, shaking her braided head._  
 _The closer Han and Ben moved to her, the closer they moved to each other until they also became one. "Am I?" Ben asked, looking down at her. "Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?"_

 _Both of their eyes flickered to the other's mouth before Rey protested defensively, "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie."_

" _I can arrange could use a good kiss!" Ben turned to leave but before he could, their surroundings began to ripple and shadow._

" _Well,_ scavenger, _looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer."_

" _I had nothing to do with it. This is your dream, after all."_

" _That's a good story. This is your dream too. I think you'd be having dreams about me whether we were bound together by the force or not."_

" _I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain."_

 _The darkness that surrounded Ben and Rey shifted into shadows and shadows into a white room. Ben looked down and saw a worn jacket covering a white tunic on his frame and trousers with an infamous stripe up each leg that were tucked into boots instead of his usual black garments. He pursed his lips and looked at Rey, who was standing in front of him. Rey was examining her white clothes before her hands went to her braided hair._

 _Their focuses were both pulled from their clothing change when Chewie's loud, good humored laugh burst through the silence. Ben found himself making a smirk at Chewie and saying, "Laugh it up, fuzzball. But you didn't see us alone in the south passage."_ _His attention shifted to Poe, who was sitting near them in white robes, looking at Rey in curiosity. Ben felt jealousy jolt tightly in his chest and added possessively but with a masking humor, "She expressed her true feelings for me." Ben Solo might have worn a physical mask on occasion but Han Solo masked himself with humor and charm._

 _Rey's eyes narrowed, looking between Poe and Ben before indignantly sputtering, "My…! Why, you stuck up,... half witted… scruffy-looking… nerf-herder!" She felt her cheeks burning as her eyes shot daggers at Ben._

 _Ben made a face back at her, "Who's scruffy-looking?" His eyes moved back to Poe, "I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, pilot?" Ben hardly had any control over his words in whatever godforsaken force-made fever dream he was experiencing but a certain pride and possessiveness puffed up his chest at his words, feeling the truth and belief in what he said. He affected Rey. In ways Poe never could._

 _A vulnerability clouded Rey's features, if only for a moment, before a mask of her own fell over her face. She focused on Poe even though her words were for Ben, "I guess you don't know everything about women yet." She leaned down and pressed her lips to Poe's out of spite and to prove a point. The kiss felt like nothing to her but Ben's reaction she could feel. She turned to face him. He schooled his features to not give him away but the tension rippling from his form told her that she hit her mark._

 _Their eyes locked before the shadows started taking over the room, distorting the dream until it was another place and time._

 _Green. Rey was surrounded by greenery. She didn't feel the presence of Ben anymore. She wondered if she pushed him away even more with the kiss she shared with Poe. It wasn't really her that kissed him, though. Her actions felt like her actions but it was as if everything was already scripted and set to happen. The dream felt like the ones she's had of Padme and Anakin. It was confusing and out of her control but more revealing and raw than anything else she had experience in real life. Still, Ben was gone again. Instead of feeling his presence, she felt another that she had only started getting to know before it was taken from her. Han Solo sat in front of her, amidst the plants and brush that surrounded her._

 _Her eyes searched his face, never having seen him young before. She saw what Leia fell in love with. She saw much more Ben in him than either of them probably care to admit._

" _You love him," Han said. She could almost hear Ben's voice behind Han's. Maybe he was still there, hidden somewhere deep inside his father. "Don't you?"_

" _Yes," Rey answered and knew the response was absolutely her own._

Rey and Ben woke up in their separate beds, both feeling very alone and unsatisfied. One filled with sadness and bitterness so overwhelming that all that came out was anger. One filled with guilt and confusion so overwhelming that all that came out was listlessness.

It had been ten days.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Why hello there! This chapter went in a completely different direction than I expected it to go. Like apparently there is a gala now. I wasn't even planning on there ever being a gala in this story. I like to keep us all on our toes... especially me. Oh well! I write what keeps me interested and what I like to read in stories. I still love suggestions, though! Enjoy the chapter!**_

 _ **XOXO**_

Rey was coming to have a very different relationship with sleep than she had had in the past. She dreamt of him. She dreamt of him every night. She dreamt of living other lives with him. She dreamt of living out her life with him. She dreamt of fighting him violently, passionately. She dreamt of loving him just as violently and passionately although sometimes also delicately and preciously. She dreamt of hand touches, of force holds, of kisses, of him ripping through her mind, of his soft voice, of his trembling anger, of a red room, of him taking Han's life, of him saving her life... she dreamt of him. She dreamt of him and she didn't know if that made her want to dream more or less, sleep more or less.  
At first she slept more. She even tried to sleep at the times she thought he would be asleep in hopes of trying to rectify her relationship with him, to explain herself, to see him in the world of their dreams since he shut off their bond during his every waking hour. The dreams were never in her control, though. If she knew it was a dream it usually didn't stop the force from turning her and Ben into puppets where they could barely control what they said to each other. Many of the dreams she didn't realize were dreams until after she had woken up. On those nights, she struggled to pin down the cloud like wisps of her memories of those dreams so she could look back on them. She would spend hours,spend the rest of the day thinking about it until her next dream the next night. Sometimes she saw dreams that she knew belonged to just Ben and she was only an observer. Sometimes she had dreams that were just hers. Sometimes she couldn't figure out who was having the dream whether it be filled with anger, pain, love, or lust.  
Soon Rey began to feel Ben's presence less and less in her dreams. Her sleeping habits fluxed from sleeping all the time in hopes of connecting with him once more to not sleeping at all because of how worried and anxious she was becoming. Her sleeping schedule wildly fluxed from one extreme to another over the course of the weeks that their bond was blocked by him.  
She constantly wondered if he wasn't sleeping so their bond couldn't come back in his unconscious state. She wondered if he didn't like the dreams. She wondered if he was having a hard time sleeping. She wondered if something was wrong wherever he was and it was keeping him up. She wondered if he was safe. She wondered if he missed her.  
She missed him. It was unbearable, illogical, and frustrating. He was violent. He was smug. He took things without permission whether it be a kiss or a life. He shoved himself into her life. He always had to be right. His anger knew no bounds... as did his heart. Why would she miss that? Why should she miss that? She shouldn't. Their bond was as closed off as it could be without being completely broken, though, and instead of seeing it as a needed reprieve, it made her ache. Her mind ached trying to get through to him. Her body ached from always being tense. Her chest ached. Her gut ached. Her heart ache. Her skin ached.

Ben was tired.

He was hurt, he was angry, and he was tired. He was full of so much disgust, such a sense of betrayal, a numbing sense of exhaustion, and overwhelming bitter sadness. And his mind wouldn't turn off. He was constantly haunted by his thoughts and his doubts, he was constantly reminded about _her_ from the incessant nagging he could feel from her trying to get through to him, from his mind always coming back to her... his damned dreams wouldn't even rest.

He couldn't remember what silence was like but all at the same time life felt so quiet without her. Nothing he did felt finished, nothing he said sounded right, everywhere he went he felt like he was forgetting something; he was infuriatingly so incomplete without her. He finally had everything he had been working towards and yet it all felt so fruitless and empty, tedious and worthless.

He spent hours, days even, trying to make sense of everything. He didn't sleep in fear of slipping, being weak, and going back to her. He couldn't bare to see her in his dream anymore so he just didn't sleep. He tried to put himself back to where he was before her. He had his mask again. He tolerated very little and valued even less than that. He pushed all of his frustrations into his anger, pushing out all of his anger into violent fits until he felt hollow and weak. He terrorized and tortured any expendable men within reach, wishing it was the pilot, and adding more aggression in his actions whenever he thought that he should have killed the pilot when he had the chance. He exercised more than ever before, relishing in the burn that engulfed his muscles and lungs, feeling it match the burning he already felt in his chest and the burning he once felt across his face. Rey had damaged and burned him once before. He healed from that but the mark will always remain. He doesn't know how likely it is for him to heal a second time without the scar tissue warping him into more of a monster than he already was.

And he was… he was a monster. She deserved so much better than him. The Force was doing her wrong trying to bind them together, to make her love him. It was laughable to think that she would ever love someone like him. He saw the dream of her talking to his father. "You love him," his father said and Rey had admitted that she did. Which him did she love, though? Because he distinctly remembered her perfect lips pressed against the chapped and too welcoming lips of the pilot _right before her being asked any question about love_. Ben didn't need the Force to try to manipulate him into feeling loved by Rey. He wasn't blind. Poe was just as written into her life as he was… and the more he thought about it the more he was convinced that the pilot was the better man.

The more he thought about the more he felt sick. The more he thought about it the more he felt angry. The more he thought about it the more he ached for her. And he did. He ached for her down to his core. It left him breathless. It made him grind his teeth. It made him ball his hands into such tight fists his nails sliced into his palms.

He missed her.

And even if she didn't love him, he loved her.

"What has crawled in your helmet, Ren?" Hux's voice pulled Ben from his daze. Ben's dark eyes hidden by his dark helmet shot to the disinterested yet disdainful sour expression on the ginger's pale face. "I mean, you are often wound up but this is excessive." He turned to face Ben more, brow raised. "Is it because of Skywalker? You've been acting more and more strange by the day since your confrontation with him." He tilted his head as he shrugged before sipping at the coffee in his gloved hand. "I mean, you _did_ make a fool of yourself when everyone saw that you were fighting a projection of the man and still losing."

Ben, without a word, knocked the coffee out of Hux's hand. The hot liquid flew all over the freshly pressed uniform that Hux wore, making him yelp in a decidedly unmasculine manner.

Hux's face turned redder than his hair while he wiped at his uniform and his eyes shot daggers at his superior, knowing he shan't say anything that would get him anything worse than spilt coffee. Oh how he wished he had pulled the trigger of that blaster while Kylo was on the ground and unconscious when he had the chance…

He cleared his throat and gave Ben a tight smile. "Have you considered perhaps finding a different outlet for your frustrations?" He asked as he dabbed at his shirt. "We arrive at Brentaal IV shortly. Why don't you let me worry about preparing for the gala with the trade guilds? You can spend your time there on a short vacation and take advantage of the wonderful _adult company_ that can be acquired there. You don't like dressing up for galas anyway and it's not like you're the sociable type. The gala is supposed to secure our alliances with them and communicate about the newest weapons, plans, et cetera. It's all business. No doubt there is better _business_ to attend to." Hux was giving his unplanned speech to Kylo for several reasons: Hux wanted to be in control of as much as he could until he would eventually control it all, leaving Kylo in the dust; Kylo would ruin any chances of making any alliances stronger with his anger problems and impatience; Hux didn't want to die and if getting Kylo laid to get some frustrations out saved Hux's ass, he was all for it.

Ben cocked his head to the side, feeling his stomach clench painfully at the image of Rey as one of the girls to provide such 'wonderful adult company' on Brentaal. He found it hard to breathe, "You want me to hire a prostitute?"

Hux waved a hand, "Worry not, old friend. It'll be my treat."

"I'm not interested." With that, Ben turned on his heel to walk from the room.

"I know, I know… prostitutes are dirty, unforgivable little things aren't they?" Hux made a face a shrugged before adding, "It's not like they are _people_ so I wouldn't worry. Women hardly ever should be considered people in general. Phasma was the exception, rest her soul." A twisted smile appeared on his lips, "Do you remember that scavenger girl? The boyish little thing with the buns? I can't wait to put her in her place. For such a blip, she has caused-" His sentence was cut off as he felt his airway get crushed.

Ben glared at Hux from behind his mask, wishing it was his hand crushing the man's throat instead of his Force but his Force started choking him before he could lift a finger. "You talk too much." He started walking again. "I am in no need for _hired help_ , your help, or any help at all. Report to me after we have landed and are ready to release our officers for temporary sabbatical while we are there." He released Hux from his Force choke and left the room, leaving the red head gasping for air.

Ben kept to his quarters, stretching and working out his lean muscles. His body thirsted for sleep but he refused. Not only was he resisting sleep as long as he could because every sleep broke his heart just a little bit more but he felt the ship land earlier. He knew that it was any minute that Hux would bumble his way into the room to announce the release officers.

As if on cue, the door to Ben's quarters opened. Ben straightened and wiped at his face with a towel. "Took you long enough," he commented and gave Hux an unimpressed look. Only, it wasn't Hux at his door. It was a human woman.

"My apologies," the woman said with a small bow to the head, her golden hair fell over one slender shoulder.

Ben looked at her in expectation, unsure as to why a strange woman in garments that would _never_ be approved on a vessel such as the one they were on was in his personal quarters. The security breach alone was enough to warrant questions let alone her attire or intentions.

The woman misinterpreted his look of expectation and effortlessly let her semi sheer garments fall to the floor, revealing her bare oiled body to him. She gave him an inviting smile as she walked to his bed.

Ben's eyes widened in shock, completely caught off guard by the turn of events. Hux sent a prostitute to his personal quarters! He was so dumbfounded by the situation that was becoming more out of hand by the second as the woman sprawled on his pristine white sheets-that he would now have to incinerate because no one touched his sheets except for him-that his guard fell.

Almost immediately he felt Rey rush through all his senses. He felt her mind, raw from trying to get to him for weeks but only hitting a wall, mix with his in a way that fit better than it should have, in a way that felt good. Having their bond swell to life felt like a first breath of oxygen that he didn't know he needed. He could breathe again.

The breath was taken away as quickly as it was given to him when he felt her sense what was in his room with him, when he felt her see who was in his room with him. He tried to build up his wall and break the bond once more but he knew it was too late. He knew she already saw. And he felt sick.

"Out," he said lowly, backing away from the woman so he didn't hurt her.

"What was that?" She asked in confusion, her voice which had been sultry and low now was normal and laced in confusion.

" _Get out_ ," Ben's voice shook and he slammed his fist against the wall, making her jump. He watched her with wide eyes and a locked jaw as she quickly picked up her discarded belongings and fled. Once she was gone, he thrashed more viciously at anything he could get his hands on. He tore at the walls. He pushed anything over that wasn't attached. He yelled. He roared. He destroyed as much as he could, only stopping when a smear of blood caught his eye.

He looked down at his hands, shredded and raw. His nails were broken. His skin was bloody. He looked around the room, feeling suffocated by the destruction he created. His hands stung. His eyes stung. His lip trembled. He sunk to the floor, tangling his dark locks with his fingers and pulling until it hurt.

He should feel good that Rey experienced what he felt every time he saw her with Poe. He should relish in the karma but all he could think about was how she could be hurting like he hurt. He had wished for her to hurt like she hurt him but now that the opportunity was had, Ben regretted ever wishing anything. It felt wrong and unnatural. It just hurt him more. He had such a desire to protect her and it was stupid. It was illogical. He hated it. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't what she thought. That…

Images of her telling him the exact same thing ran through his mind and he buried his face in his hands. Was everything with the pilot really not what he thought it was? Did Ben ruin everything right when they were about to be better than they had ever been before?

The bitterness that he felt when he had thought he was betrayed by Rey filled his entire form, poisoning his blood. Was he the one that betrayed her by not believing her? Was he the one at fault? And now to hurt her like this?

 _No_ , a resentful part of him spoke up. _She is as much at fault as you are. If she valued you, she wouldn't have allowed the pilot to get that close._

 _Or perhaps…_ Another part spoke up, _perhaps she is simply too good for you and the pilot both._

Ben shook his head and stood up on shaky legs. He silently walked to his bed and stripped the sheets before laying on the bare mattress. He didn't know what to believe or what to think. He just wanted to sleep and heal and have a good head on his shoulders at the gala tomorrow.

Rey sat on her bunk, stunned, hurt, and a little queasy. Did she just see what she thought she saw? Did he do that just to mess with her head? To hurt her? She stared down at her bare feet, unsure of what to think or what to feel. She had been so excited to feel Ben open up his side of the bond that she jumped blindly into a sabotage. She felt like she had been slapped across the face. Is that how Ben felt when he saw her with Poe? The thought made her swallow thickly.

"Hey," Finn's voice pulled her from her painful thoughts.

She looked up at him silently.

He gave her a sympathetic smile. He knew she had been having a rough couple of weeks. "You should try to get some sleep. Everyone is going to want to talk to the 'war heroes' at the gala tomorrow," he told her, wiggling his eyebrows until he got a small smile from her.

Rey nodded and silently laid down in the foreign ship bunk as they flew to Brentaal for the annual gala in hopes of trying to get a few more investors to back their cause.


	12. Chapter 12

_"You know the truth. Say it."_

 _"They were nobody."_

 _"They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead, in a paupers' grave in the Jakku desert."_

 _Darkness started to ripple and bend until shadows became grains of sand and a familiar brutal heat started to sink into every pore. Rey felt like her skin would turn to sand and blisters._

 _"You are nothing."_

 _Ben stood in front of her, seemingly unaffected by the unforgiving desert of Jakku that he had just been talking about. Rey squinted, from either the unyielding sun in her eyes or because of what he was saying to her, she didn't know which._

 _"But not to me."_

 _Rey looked around the endless dunes surrounding her. It was a sight she was all too familiar with and it filled her with a loneliness she thought she left there to die in the sand with her parents and her childhood. She turned back to face Ben but in his place stood her shack. She ducked inside, her fingers reaching out to touch the tally marks that covered her wall. She moved her hand from the marks etched into the metal to the bare metal that had yet to be etched in. It was something she had done often to remind herself that she hadn't been alone as long as she could have been alone._

 _She frowned. Something was different this time. Something felt different. Her fingers couldn't find an end to the tally marks. Rey looked around in a panic, suddenly surrounded by tally marks. She backed up until she stumbled out of the entrance._

 _"No…" Her voice was small. She was small. She was a child again. She spun around and saw her parents leaving her. She blinked her tearful eyes, the sand that was sticking to her face turned to muddy streaks. Her heart pounded loudly, blurring her vision._

 _And in the place of her parents, there was Ben. He was ready to board a ship, a blonde woman with narrow shoulders and wide hips tugged on his hand to get him to leave with her._

 _"No!" Rey cried out, her voice normal once more. "Come back!"_

 _The beautiful woman gave an ugly sneer, "Quiet, girl."_

 _Rey sobbed, unable to move from her spot, "NO!" She forced herself to move only to fall to the hot sand. It started to pull her in and cover her, engulf her completely. She would be buried just like her parents. Except her fate was even worse. At least they had each other. Rey? She was a nobody. She had nobody. She'd die as alone and as forgotten as she felt from her very first childhood memories._

Sometimes Rey had dreams that were just hers. Sometimes she saw dreams that she knew belonged to just Ben and she was only an observer. They lived their dreams and watched the other's. Dreams that made them learn more about themselves and share with the other things that they never wanted to share or learn.

 _"Well, well, well… I'm glad you finally came to your senses and-Rey?"_

 _That's when laughter filled the rippling darkness until it was bursting. Rey's laughter rang out like a bell and the darkness tore apart, revealing stars, a scavenger, and a pilot. Ben frowned as he watched the big, beautiful smile on her face shine brighter than the stars, shine brighter for Poe._

 _Ben shook his head, ridding himself of the bitterness that tried to congest it. It was fine. All he had to do was get Rey's attention. Then she would leave the pilot and lay with Ben for the rest of the night._

 _"Rey," he said to jar her from her pilot-induced stupor. Except… she didn't react. Her eyes didn't meet his. Her posture didn't straighten. She didn't even stop laughing. Something wasn't right._

 _"Rey, look at me right now," Ben demanded, pacing at her side like a caged animal. She still didn't respond to him. It was like he wasn't there at all. "Look at me, Rey!" He barked but it sounded more like a beg, "Rey- God, why don't you have a last name?" A low groan that tapered off into a whimper fell from his dry lips when he saw her touch Poe's shoulder and laugh at another joke that she was listening to intently. Ben felt panic and desperation fill his chest, "Rey Solo-" He choked out weakly and fell to his knees beside the couple. She was supposed to be his. She was supposed to have heard him. She was supposed to choose him and love him and laugh with him and watch the stars with him. But he had only silence. He had only himself. He was supposed to have her, too. Nothing ever felt more right than her. He could feel it in his gut. Watching her with the pilot took that gut feeling and tore it out of him, leaving a gaping, aching hole._

 _His breath shook as he forced back the tears that threatened to fall down his pale cheeks. He watched their date powerlessly. He watched as Poe wrapped his arm around Rey's shoulders. He watched as Rey moved her fingers through Poe's hair. He watched as their laughter faded into cautious, curious breaths. He watched Poe steal a kiss. He watched Rey return it._

 _"No…" Ben's voice was ragged and quiet. The longer they kissed, the deeper they kissed, the louder and deeper his voice got. "No, no, no, NO!" He would not sit to the side and watch without a fight._

 _In one motion, he was back on his feet dragging Poe up by the shirt with one hand and his light saber hissed to life in the other. In the next motion Ben's saber went forcefully through the pilot's middle… but right when he felt the hilt of his saber meet the pierced body of Poe, the body shifted into that of Han Solo. Ben's breath caught in his throat and he closed his eyes when he felt the familiar rough hand of his father cup his cheek._

 _"NO!" Rey's cry pierced the air._

 _Ben's eyes quickly moved to Rey's but, as soon as their eyes connected, her eyes moved until they were in the form of the person his saber was still embedded in._

 _His eyes moved over her rigid form: eyes wide, jaw dropped, hands over the hand that held the saber in place. He felt her hands squeeze at his until he extinguished the blade. The saber fell from their hands, forgotten, as he wrapped his arms around her wavering form. He carefully settled them both to the ground, holding her on his lap close to his chest. He felt her shivering and jerking in his embrace as she tried to breathe._

 _"Don't go," he whispered desperately pressing his forehead to hers and trying to use his Force to stop her pain, stop her life from slipping, stop anything. But his force felt so weak and flimsy, like his force came from her and now that she was fading so was it. "I'm so sorry, Rey," his voice cracked. "I'm so so sorry…" he felt her go limp in his arms and he let out a shuddered sob, "No, come back!" But she was fading from his arms. He grasped at her disappearing form, trying to catch smoke. "NO!" And soon he felt himself start to fade away too._

 _Without her, he was nothing._

And sometimes she couldn't figure out who was having the dream whether it be filled with anger, pain, love, or lust.

 _The ballroom was adorned with gold detail, every flower imaginable, and sheer curtains that swayed with a warm night breeze let in from the open doors and windows. The air smelled like sweet flowers and effervescent champagne. All the women wore white. All the men wore black. String instruments played a Corellian waltz for gala-goers to dance to. In the middle of the dance floor, a woman and a man stood._

 _The woman had brown hair held up in an elegant yet simple style of buns and a white dress that flowed with the breeze. The man wore black robes and had his face and head covered with a black mask. They were two that knew each other from a thousand dreams and nightmares, from a thousand lives, and from a thousand wishes._

 _They were both breathless although neither of them were moving or speaking._

 _Time stretched out for an eternity before Rey spoke up, "This isn't a masquerade, Ben." Her fingers moved to lightly trace the cold mask like she used to trace her tally marks._

 _Ben raised his hand and placed it over hers on his mask. "Take it off then," he said, unsure if he would ever be able to let go of her now that he had her hand in his._

 _Rey stepped closer to him, taking off the mask as if she were opening a locket. She smiled when she saw the one she loved revealed. "As sexy as the whole faceless dictator thing is…" her fingers moved over his soft skin, "I much prefer you without the mask."_

 _"You find me sexy?" He asked, stepping closer to her so their bodies were pressed together._

 _Rey smiled shyly, coyly, her fingers moving to his full lips, "Wouldn't you like to know?" She asked teasingly._

 _Ben felt himself smile back, "I would like to know." He kissed the tips of her fingers before he could stop himself._

 _Rey sucked in a breath, her smile falling. Her gaze darkened. "Do that again," she said, moving her fingers over his lips._

 _He kissed the small digits more fully, focusing on each one individually before kissing the palm of her hand. His nose brushed at the pulse point on her wrist as her fingers brushed his cheek, her soft skin flawless and perfumed. She felt much the same about his skin. He kissed at her wrist next, allowing himself a small taste for something he hungered so deeply for._

 _Rey's breath filled her chest, making it press against him. She leaned into him more and more as his lips danced higher and higher up her arm. The already kissed flesh started wrapping around his neck, her fingers moving into his hair. She tightened her hold on his hair, her other hand balling into his robes, when he grazed his teeth against the hollow of her neck._

 _Encouraged by her reaction, Ben's mouth latched on to her throat. A breathy sigh fell from Rey's lips and a humming groan from Ben answered. The reaction that they heard from the other made them pull back to look at each other, search their faces, search their eyes._

 _Then their mouths met, sucking and nipping and tasting and dominating and battling and loving… loving so hard. The breeze blew harder as their kiss grew more wild, tangling their garments together, pulling Rey's hair out of the pins that kept them up, wrapping them in the sheer curtains until they were immersed in a cocoon._

 _And it was just them. It was always just them._

 _Rey's dress turned sheer when it touched the curtains before melting off of her and becoming part of the curtains. The same happened with Ben. Neither of them noticed. Their hands and their bodies were already moving on their own accord._

 _Hands touched skin, any skin, all skin. They explored lovingly, selfishly. And skin touched skin. They moved lovingly, selfishly. Completely. They overwhelmed each other's every sense. It's all they saw past, present, and future. It's all they wanted to see and feel and hear and taste and smell in all their dreams and nightmares and in all their lives together and that was all their wishes._

 _They wished and they wanted. They wanted and they dreamed as they completed each other over and over, lost to the rest of the word, until—_

 _—_ They woke up in their individual beds on their individual ships with muscles that fluttered and jerked them to alertness. And with that alertness came an awareness: they were both on the same planet, in the same city, at that moment. They could feel it.


End file.
